Fantasy is better than reality
by littlemisssexkitty
Summary: New chapter! Broken 2d muses on their past as he sits in his cell on Plastic Beach. Mini chapter before some big updates, thanks again to everyone whose been reviewing and reading it :) Also If you aren't into 2d x murdoc then dont read it, its really, really simple.
1. Chapter 1

A/N I would like to thank four people, my darling friend Hiskubus/ Nina as always for aiding me in all my writing and help with ideas (and squealing over 2dxmurdoc in general), my wonderful Lucy for aiding with fan interpretations and general loveliness, Kegom for posting the original question as to why no one had written about their relationship as it would be seen if they were human ( e.g. domestic abuse/ violent) view post here ( .com/gorillaz_ ) and therefore getting me thinking and luuurrve's (. ) amazing fanfic Living Doll and fanfics in general which influenced me to write Gorillaz slash in the first place. I hope you like it :) oh and btw sorry in advance about the lines- i have gotten the hang of paragraphing yet, i had stars but theyv removed them :/

Fantasy is better than reality

Chapter one: august 14th and 15th 1997 D-day

_2d: there used to be this kid in the fifth year at school when I was a junior called Roger and he was a punk, I always thought he was really cool. I didn't even mind when him and his gang, called the organ boys, stuck the five a side football posts down my shirt and out of my trouser leg and crucified me in the middle of the playing field."_

_What do you miss most when you're away? __2d: hanging out in the arndale centre and bombing round car parks in shopping trolleys mashed of my clackers. _

_Interviewer:Back to the book i noticed that murdoc you mentioned a few bands that you were previously in __murdoc: bobby makeup was good __2d: oh bobby makeup was good_

_murdoc: remember him?_

_2d; yeah_

_murdoc: yeah he was just a big headed tosser so we yeah another one, bullworker_

_2d:oh bullworker_

_murdoc: do you remember bullworker?_

_2d; yeah i remember bullworker!_

_murdoc: *sings* thats the one boy ahohwaoh _

_2d: i liked dave and the daves, i liked it when you were in dave and the daves, that was good._

* * *

It was four pm exactly and the weather was quite warm. Stuart rested against the desk of the keyboard shop and sipped the sugary lukewarm substance his boss had described as tea. He grimaced at the overt sweetness and picked at the threads of his ripped jeans. Only two more hours, he pondered. Two more hours then he would be out of there for the day. He tried to feel pleased at the prospect but the concept of another night watching his mates get pissed or high, (or both) and him ending up in a similar condition rattling round the trolleys in tesco carpark before shagging one of the ugly birds working on the late shift there didn't really seem all that appealing. A song came on the shops radio, something useless out of the current charts, and the various people in the shop began to hum along. He sighed, there had to be better songs than this. Maybe not necessarily so different but better, surely? He felt trapped and lost and oh so bored. Here he was eighteen, the height of his youth, whippet thin with spiky blue hair and some decent A levels he was finishing off and yet, he was stuck already. He could hear his mum's voice in his head.

"You better watch it Stu honey, or you'll get really good at that job and end up as manager, and then what? Stuck in Crawley for the rest of your life? Forget what anybody else says, you're smart and you're kind. You deserve so much better than this love."

He sighed again, staring into the swirling brown mess of his teacup. Yes, he wanted more than this, but what else was there?

The door opened with its metallic false bell and Stuart, startled dropped his teacup which landed at the new customer's feet spreading the remnants of his tea and the china all over the carpet. "I am so sorry sir! I didn't really, I mean I wasn't. I wasn't thinking, well I was, I mean…" Stuart stopped speaking to the pair of Cuban heeled boots as he clenched the broken china in his hand and looked up at the man in front of him. He forgot to breathe.

Defined yet skinny, dressed all in black as though going to a funeral, an upside down cross glinted in the shops dim light; hung from the creatures neck and a razor sharp black fringe stopped just before the mismatched black and red eyes which bore into Stuart Pot's very being. He sat there momentarily stunned before the creature coughed and spoke. "Excuse me?" The demon stared down at Stuart and Stuart blushed furiously realizing that his head had been directly facing the demon's crotch the entire time. He stood up quickly and tried to remember how to speak.

"You're bleeding" the creature noted and Stuart looked down to see drops of blood fall from his finger, splashing the tea stained china in his hand and landing on the demon's boot. He didn't move.

"Err.." he began but was interrupted by Norm yelling at him from across the shop.

"Stuart! What do you think you're doing! Clear that mess up and demonstrate some keyboards for the man! Jesus, these Saturday boys…" he muttered wandering over to place a bin near Stuart who blushed and dumped the remains of the cup.

He sucked his finger and smiled nervously at the demon who grinned wickedly back, displaying fangs. Stuart shivered. "So 'ow can I help yew today sir?"

"I need some new instruments. Starting a new band, I'm thinking of a fresh start and all that."

"Err yeah, fresh. Err, how about you choose a keyboard and I'll demonstrate it for you sir?"

"Hmmm. That one looks alright." The creature pointed at a random keyboard, Stuart smiled, his favorite one.

" Yes sir! " he beamed and bent down to plug it in before playing Maxence Cyrin's unfinished sympathy cover.

"Mmmmhmmm. A Massive Attack fan eh?" the demon smiled.

"Well" Stuart shrugged, "among other things, I can play lots of different songs and sing..."

"So what are you, auditioning for me then eh?" the demon laughed and moved to stand beside Stuart so he could see the various buttons more clearly. Stuart didn't take his eyes of him.

"Well, maybe, yeah. So have you got a band already then?" Stuart asked demonstrating the various dub beats and drum rhythms the keyboard could play.

"I did have, was with this guy called Bobby makeup and then this band Bullworker"

"Oh I know them!" Stuart beamed. Bobby Makeup was good, and I've heard of bullworker..."

"Well he was just a big tosser, so we split. I've got a new band we're playing a little gig tonight actually... You should come, see for yourself." He handed Stuart a flyer. The heading said CLUB PASSION in big bold red letters, with a list of bands underneath lastly stating "FEATURING MURDOC NICALL'S DAVE AND THE DAVES!"

"Murdoc…" Stuart whispered and Murdoc grinned.

"Murdoc Nicalls, and you are…? Stuart Pot?" he read from Stuart's nametag. "See you there eh Stu? And mate, I think I will consider it, the keyboard I mean" he motioned to Norm who nodded and smiled, before he turned and walked out of the shop leaving an excited yet extremely nervous Stuart clutching the flyer as if it were a holy scripture.

He beamed. Maybe there were better songs after all.

* * *

The club was a mix of subcultures, punks stood at the bar drinking with Mods, new wavers laughed with ravers. Stuart stood in the opening and smiled. It had taken him four hours to pick an outfit after work and he was nervous as hell, tight blueish jeans, converse shoes (he was tall enough, flat trainers were probably best), his favourite Clash t-shirt and a black punk style wrist band. He stuck his hands in his jacket pockets and stared through the crowd trying to search out the demon like musician he had encountered only a few hours prior. Maybe he was just joking? Maybe he wouldn't meet him? For fucks sake Stuart you are an idiot to believe anyone as cool as him would have an interest in you. Stuart sighed and tried to shut his brain up. He debated leaving out of fear but the lights suddenly dimmed and a band came on stage. A moody looking rocker sat to the drums, two depressed young Goth posers wandered onto the stage and stood besides the keyboards and guitar. Murdoc Nicalls walked into the light and grinned wickedly at the crowd, Stuart felt himself let out a sigh of relief. Holding a flying v bass guitar and standing before the crowd like a God he whispered in that dirty deliciously gravelly voice of his

"Hello. I am Murdoc Nicalls and we are Dave and the Daves." The crowd cheered. Stuart held his breath. And...They were amazing. Well... Murdoc was, he played bass like a demon and despite his voice not being exactly... well right, the lyrics seemed to fit perfectly. Every other musician concentrated deeply obviously new to this yet the guitarist, to Murdoc's annoyance seemed more interested in posing about trying to impress the girls.

Murdoc paused a look of sheer satanic anger in his eyes, and turned round suddenly hitting the guitarist (currently flirting with a Goth girl in the front row and forgetting to play) full in the face with his bass knocking out two teeth and leaving an imprint of "flying v" forever on his forehead. The guitarist flew back and landed into the drum kit, pissing the drummer off who then started to scream at him. They broke out into a fight which then turned into a riot and Murdoc completely unscathed stood laughing at the mess he had created. He turned his gaze across the room to Stuart and winked. Stuart shivered and watched as Murdoc waggled his finger in a "come this way" manner and motioned to follow out backstage the pretty boy grinned and followed the bassist out of the room while the sounds of "you fucking Nazi rocker c***!" were heard and smashes of glasses.

* * *

"What did you think then?" Murdoc stared at him as he packed up his bass and grabbed his coat in the make do changing room.

"Err... it was... brilliant actually"

"Until that twat of a guitarist started playing right?" Murdoc laughed as Stuart smiled embarrassedly and nodded. "Yeah it was pretty bad mate."

"It's that sodding guitarist. And the drummer. And the keyboardist for that matter. Urgh. It's always the same, no one with any real talent." He held his head in his hands for a moment. There was a beat and he stared directly at Stuart. "Why is your hair blue? Is it some crappy dye job that went wrong?"

Stuart laughed caught off guard by such a random question. "It's always been like tat. Ever since I fell out of a tree when I was like eleven..."

Murdoc chuckled. "You're an odd one Stuart. Although it doesn't really match, blue hair, brown eyes... blue eyebrows. It looks kind of strange. Oh well. Strange is good" he smiled. There was an awkward pause when neither of them really spoke and just smiled at each other. Stuart suddenly realised how small the room was.

"Well... Not that this isn't fun but I gotta get going, which way you walking?" Murdoc stretched and stood up.

"I could be your singer!" Stuart blurted out. "I mean I can sing and play keyboards and im much much better than that lot and I want to do it.." he stared at his feet. "I don't really fit anywhere really but I love music. It's the only thing that makes sense to me like it's part of me or somefing. Oh I don't know that sounds crap. Just forget it.."

Murdoc stared at him for a long time and Stuart stared at his feet willing the ground to open up and swallow him whole. When he looked back up Murdoc had moved a lot closer to him piercing him with his mismatched gaze. Christ thought Stuart he's going to hit me. Shit I shouldn't have said anything. Im such an idiot... Murdoc's nose was practically touching the Saturday boys. He grinned evilly and Stuart smiled back weakly.

"Yes. Ok. Il think about it. You do have talent, I'll admit that. But I don't really need a singer…"

"Are you kidding me? One girl said it sounded like a cat caught in a cement mixer!" Stuart then covered his mouth in shock. "Shit. I mean erm… it was alright I mean that was just her opinion not mine… and the lyrics were amazing..."

Murdoc stared at him some more, no longer smiling and then laughed.

"Alright, you might have a point there. My voice doesn't really appeal to the wider market; it's for the true cognisors. But if you want to be front man you'll have to do something about that look of yours, slicked back blue hair and a side fringe and those weird brown eyes of yours... Its just odd mate. In a sort of pretty boy way but still odd."

Stuart smiled. "I will I'll do something..."

"Maybe short? It might be kind of spiky in a punk way...Oh hell I don't know, we'll work on it." The bassist slung his bass over his shoulder and pushed the younger man forward. "Now home! It's past your bed time Saturday boy!"

Stuart and Murdoc walked out of the club as the police cars came round the corner of the road, various officers bundling Mods and fighting Rockers from the club into their vans. They walked together and talked of their favourite bands, how shit the music in the charts was, how it's a shame that bands never really use a lot of genres and just stick to one thing and how much of a poser that lead singer of that band Blur was. "I know where he lives though. He has some good parties; he lives with that bloke, wassashisname…. Hewl... Hewllet. Did some comics about birds with tanks..."

"Tank girl? OH John...Jeremy? No James. Jamie Hewlett!"

"that's the one!" Murdoc laughed "yeah, well my plan was make a new band and then go blackmailing him into getting us signed to a record label or something I want to this properly this time, no more crappy pub gigs. I've got some dirt on him so it should work perfectly."

"Nice one" Stuart beamed and then fell silent. They had reached the crossroad. Murdoc one way him the other. He turned to the bassist who seemed to be thinking the same thing.

"Ah well I guess I have to go, got college tomorrow."

"Waste of time" Murdoc smiled at him. "See you Saturday boy, actually, here." He took out a piece of paper and scribbled down his name and phone number.

"Here give us a bell at some point in the week and I'll audition you alright. I'll have the instruments by Monday. That shop of yours is open tomorrow right?" Stuart stared at the piece of paper beaming and stuck it in his pocket. "Yeah from one to four though."

"Perfect. See you then" He moved to leave and then paused checking the surrounding area, they were alone shaded in darkness.

He grabbed the boys hand and pulled him into a kiss. Stuart didn't struggle. Shocked and shaking in nerves he kissed back and even dared to run a hand through the mass of black hair. A surprisingly long tongue ran over his. They stood there for a few minutes, slowly testing, when Murdoc pulled out for breath and stared into Stuart's eyes, smiling before ruffling Stuart's hair.

"Spikes. Definitely spikes" He grinned and turned leaving Stuart standing on the corner turned on and beaming with nervous energy.

* * *

Rachel Pot looked up from the TV and smiled.

"There you are honey. How was it? Stuart?" Stuart stuck his coat on the rack and sighed happily.

"You met someone didn't you!" she grinned at him and gave him a hug. "I can tell you've gone all coy aww Stu! I haven't seen you like this since that punk boy said you looked cool at school. Must be a pretty amazing person huh?"

"Mum! That was ages ago..." he laughed. "An' yeah, not only tat I've got an audition for a band!"

"Aww that's wonderful dear. Oh before I forget Norm called. He wants you to work for a bit tomorrow."

Stuarts smile widened maybe he would see him tomorrow then as well?

* * *

"Are you ready? I don't want to fuck this up. I t has to be done right and once only."

"Yeah yeah yeah we hear ya Murdoc. Smash in, grab stuff drive off. Simple."

"Should be. They'll be no one on desk today since it's a Sunday. I've been watching that place all week, the busiest they get is Saturdays when that Saturday boys there..."

"Ooooooh the Saturday boy eh? The one you left the club with!"

"Awww" the two moody Goths cooed. One sporting a black left eye after last night's shenanigans.

"Look, hes a very good keyboardist and singer, much better than the likes of you. Theres no point stealing this equipment for posery little pancys that cant even fucking play it understood?" he hissed intot he face of the black eyed goth who gulped.

"yeah..sorry Murdoc."

"Now. Masks on."

The Vauxhall astra swereved down the road at full speed and crashed into the shop window. Glass splayed over the kerb and as the town was virtually empty on a Sunday only one scream was heard, from under the car. Murdoc stopped immediately and ran out to the front, his heart pounding so hard he could feel it in his legs.

He saw glass, the tea stain and a pool of blood seeping from wounds on legs, ripped up jeans. Murdoc prayed to Satan that those jeans didn't belong to who he thought. He knelt in the broken glass, piercing his skin, ripped his jacket and tied up the broken legs, tried to hold the blood flow. In the distance as though miles away he could hear his comrades screaming at him to leave, the sirens of the shop calling police cars. They ran in fear and Murdoc sat rooted to the spot. The one black eye staring through him right through to his soul, the other tear filled brown gaze filled with confusion and pain. He couldn't move the pain was so immense. He smiled weakly and Murdoc smiled back laughing.

The first good thing that had happened to him in all his life and he had broken it.

He laughed and didn't stop, holding onto the Saturday boy as tears fell down his cheeks. He didn't stop laughing as the police tried to take him into the van, only protested. Refused to leave him. "He's my singer!" he screamed as he fought against the three police officers and eventually fell limp onto the pavement. The blow to the back of his head from the police baton causing blood to trickle down his face and a drop fell onto Stuart's body as the ambulance rushed him in.

* * *

So there you go first chapter hope you enjoyed and please no nasty homophobic reviews etc. Oh by the way, when I write I listen to my music on my zen 3 , so the music tends to be the atmosphere of the piece or express what im thinking about, if that makes any sense lol. So yes technically speaking this fan fiction has a soundtrack :)

Songs:

Blur: on the way to the club

(when you know who walks in ) : blur: good song

When 2d meets him at the club: The organ: brother ( I always imagined murdocs band would sound like this but with awful singing.)

When they walk back together and the ending : Bat for Lashes: Daniel (radio one live lounge version)

Enjoy and please review :)


	2. Chapter 2

Fantasy is better than reality

Chapter Two: the luckiest man on the planet...

**_Can you explain a bit how the inner band personality dynamics work because some people have got the impression that you hate each other?_**

_Russell: We all love each other! Except for murdoc, who hates us all and himself equally._

_Murdoc: yeah, yeah exactly, that would be true. Ah, what's your point?_

_2d: aw, I love you murdoc!_

_Murdoc: look, I won't say it again: I saved your life. You owe me your soul!_

_2d: okay!_

_Murdoc: oh, nice one_

**_Do you resent Murdoc for his actions back then because he nearly killed you? _**

_2d: what do you mean nearly killed me? I've never been nearly killed before. _

**_On finding Kong Studios..._**

_Murdoc: I was up late one night, scouring the internet. I was living in a freezing bedsit at the time. The heating had broken down and I was looking at a site about ...err..."Dodgy boilers". Uhmmm anyway, I came across this website called . _

_

* * *

_

The cell was a damp grey, smelling distinctly of fear, loathing and various unpleasant bodily fluids. Murdoc Nicalls awoke clutching his head.

He looked around hi

s new room, the stains of godknowswhat on the walls, the dim sunlight pouring through the window.

What happened?

The car... the pavement... He felt a sharp pain in his legs and realised that tiny beads of glass were still stuck in-between in his skin, blood had stained his jeans and tshirt.

Blood. Smashed window. Stuart.

"Fuck" he groaned holding his head. Great, well done Murdoc, broken the car, no new instruments, now you'll have to pay up for that stupid shop and you've killed the boy. Fantastic.

"Murdoc Nicalls?" a woman with short brown hair, in a suit, clutching a folder asked.

"Yes love, have I... I mean is he?" Murdoc asked as the police unlocked the cell and allowed him out to sit at a table with her.

"Do you mean Stuart Pot? He's in recovery; he's not dead but hes barely alive. You're a very lucky man Nicalls"

"Lucky? I almost killed him! How the fuck is that lucky?"

She smiled. "He's lucid. Not entirely comatose, there is a good chance he will heal and recover however not without a lot of work and he will of course be psychologically damaged for life. With his migraines already he may be in a severe amount of pain for most of his existence without medication"

Murdoc couldn't help but feel a little relieved. "But that means he'll be in hospitals for the rest of his life though right? And I'll be …"

She laughed.

"No you won't be in jail and he won't be in hospital. Mr Nicalls, I am your lawyer Miss Pinker" She handed him her business card. "Ive seen you before numerous times and decided to take your case personally, after seeing your state last afternoon and hearing from the police. The judge has decided that you will. instead of going to prison (as it seems to teach you no lesson whatsoever) commit community service."

"How long?" He whispered head on one side.

"30,000 hours" He groaned "as well as care for Stuart Pot for 10 hours every week."

"Wait what seriously? You're putting ME in charge of HIM? Stuart is mine?" She gave him a worried look.

"Only if you agree to the conditions, and speak with his parents beforehand. They want to see you."

Murdoc gulped. Meeting the parents had never been his forte. Yes he was charming, when he needed to be. But he doubted they would be very happy to see him.

* * *

A woman with long brown hair, bloodshot brown eyes, as though she had been crying all night, with a full figure and Stuart's pale skin was clutched in the arms of an extremely tall man with large hands like Stuart's and an expression as though all that mattered in the world to him had been lost.

"My name is Rachel Pot and this is my husband David. We are Stuart's parents. I take it you're Murdoc Nicalls?" her tone was not angry, it was emotionless, numb, this somehow made him feel worse.

"I... Yes. Im sorry. It wasn't meant to be like that. I didn't even know he was there. I thought he only worked Saturday's. If I had known I wouldn't of…"

"I know." She smiled weakly. "It wasn't intentional. I wanted to thank you actually."

"Thank me?" Murdoc gaped. "For what?"

"The doctors told us, you'd bandaged him to stop the blood flow. He'd lost a lot of blood. Any more and they wouldn't have been able to... he'd be…." David sighed shaking at the thought of what could have happened.

"That's why we agreed to you're community service being taking care of him. Anyone else would have left, but you stayed. In an odd way you saved his life." She smiled at him. "The one condition we have is that you bring him over every weekend. And I want to see you're living conditions first of course. Any slight colds etc could be dire for his already weak state."

"Yes, yes of course..." Murdoc replied. Stunned. Thinking he must be the luckiest man in the world, that was until he saw Stuart.

* * *

It is a common fact that Murdoc Nicalls didn't like himself very much. But in this moment his self loathing boarded on a need for suicide. He had never, in all the thirty one years he had existed on the planet so far, caused so much pain to someone so undeserving.

Lying limp in the bed, his skinny frame intensified by the bandages wrapped round his legs, his arms, his torso. One vast bandage wrapped round his head, covering the one black eye. Drool falling from the side of his mouth, an entirely blank expression as though he was drugged up to the utmost, but a glint appeared in his eye when he saw Murdoc and his lips twitched as though he was smiling in his semi-catatonic state.

"Oh fuck. Stuart I… Im so sorry mate. I…" Murdoc moved to the bed and sat down staring at the boy whose head turned to face him. He had a happy look in his eye as though he was _pleased_ to see Murdoc. Puppy dog admiration. It made Murdoc feel like shit. Why the hell was he looking at him like that? After all he had done to him! The dullard. Murdoc wasn't used to people being so pleased to see him, it unnerved him. But none the less he tried not to express this and reached out to grab the boy's hand.

"I mean it, im sorry mate. You're going to come back with me alright? The judge has given me custody." Stuart's mouth twitched into a definite smile and Murdoc grinned back.

Rachel stood smiling in the doorway.

"So are you ready to go? David has had to go back to the fair for work but Im here to check out you're living conditions."

Murdoc jumped. "I didn't know you were there love..." he looked slightly embarrassed. He stuck a hand through his hair and smiled down at Stuart "Ok, let's go then".

* * *

Murdoc pulled his keys out and opened the door to the small bedsit. It was fairly clean for him, a double bed in the middle of the room, a small kitchen and bathroom and a large sofa.

"A murky bedsit eh? Makes sense for you…" Rachel laughed.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Murdoc grunted amicably his arm wrapped round Stuart propping him up while Rachel carried his possessions.

"Nothing…" she hummed and walked over into his domain.

The floor was a dark blue; bottles were laid around as well as few satanic books and records. Posters of Black Sabbath and girls holding guitars lined the walls. Wax dripped onto the sideboards from recently lit candles and the stench of sex, cigarettes and possible illegal substances filled the air. Rachel lifted a book entitled "how to date women for men over 30" and chuckled.

"Im actually impressed Mr Nicalls. Id assumed your place would be much more despicable."

"Well…" he replied laying Stuart on the sofa. "Women tend to prefer places that are clean eh? Though it's not as if I knew you'd be coming, I might have tidied the books away. Had I known the hospital would be making you visit" He murmured placing Stuart down onto the sofa; Stuart moaned and held his arms out, obviously having enjoyed being carried. Murdoc brushed them off.

"Well," she replied placing a duvet over Stuart and propping him up with pillows. "I am a qualified nurse, and I do work there you know. I've been looking after Stuart through every illness, including supplying him with the painkillers for his migraines. Isn't that right sweetie?" she cooed at the numbed boy who drooled and smiled back.

She stroked his hair and he closed his eyes, beginning to sleep.

Standing up she placed a bag on the bed and began to empty out the contents.

" These are the things you will need for Stuart, he will need to be medicated three times a day, however this doesn't cover his migraines so you will have to watch out for the warning signs, if he starts wincing at light, moaning, cowering, shaking etc then a migraine will probably come soon, he may also be sick. So here are his painkillers for that, no more than two a day alright? He smokes, so I don't know how you're going to sort that out... He will also need you to feed him, breakfast, lunch and dinner, and vitamins are vital to him recovering from this, although you will have to feed him baby food. He may not be able to chew properly so stuff with few amounts of bits in it is best."

"Right." Murdoc sighed staring at all the various items being put onto his bed. His eyed widened. "Please don't tell me those are what I think they are..."

She laughed. "Yes, unfortunately, he hasn't got control of his system yet, or the ability to walk quickly although this will improve. So you will have to change him..." she blushed motioning to the adult diapers.

"No. Satan, no. That's too much, can't you do it you're his mum for fucks sake!"

She frowned "No Mr. Nicalls, you got my son into this state you better look after him. I'll call tomorrow to see how you're doing"

"How, you don't have my number?"

She smiled and held up a piece of paper with Murdoc's scribbled writing on it.

"This was clutched in his hand when they took him into the hospital. It seems you were on his mind." She paused, smiled and hugged the bassist who didn't respond.

"See you on Saturday." She replied after kissing Stuart on the head, who moaned in his sleep, and closing the door quietly behind her.

"Well..." Murdoc hummed looking over to the sleeping comatose boy. "I guess it's just you and me now eh?"

Stuart smiled in his sleep.

* * *

Well there you go chapter two :) I hope you liked it. Expect more to come soon XD

The music I listened to this time was:

Barrie Gledden- Castaway (used in sugar rush one of my fave LGBT programmes)

Goldfrapp's cover of Graces it's not over yet (when Murdoc sees the comatose Stuart)

This chapter is dedicated to the various and wonderful people who have continued to read my fanfics and give me lovely reviews. If it weren't for all the loveliness from Ignorance is bliss (my first EVER Gorillaz slash fanfic) then I wouldn't still be writing about the wonderful 2d and Murdoc.

By the way, just a bit of fan knowledge. As research for this, I read numerous pre- Gorillaz fanfics involving 2d and murdoc, with them in the Winnebago but, murdoc didn't have the Winnebago until he moved into Kong Studios ( he brought it from the money they made from Clint eastwood) hence why I included that quote about Kong from ROTO. The other quotes are from the phase one infamous interview Apex tapes, which I have if anybody wants. I will happily send them :).


	3. Chapter 3

Fantasy is better than reality. Chapter three: Baby food, car parks and two dents.

"_**Murdoc's "care in the community" service usually involved as much mistreatment of the deaf, dumb and blind Stuart Pot as Murdoc could squeeze into his appointed time-slot. Kicking, slapping, punching, dragging, dunking, catapulting….nothing seemed to affect the catatonic kid**_."

_Murdoc: "God bless the British justice system eh? Unbelievable! They put ME in charge of YOU. It was a bit of a drag, but we used to have a lot of fun during those sessions. You wouldn't remember that though. You were just a comatose plank really." _

"_**The impact of the accident had revived Stu-Pot from his state of paralysis, and in doing so gave us one of the greatest front men the world had ever seen!**_

_Murdoc: He stood up really slowly, his back still towards me, and really slowly turned around, like one of those zombies in those films he watches, and there was…. no eyes! Just two blank holes, a vacant stare._

_2d: That must have been pretty scary._

_Murdoc: No, mate I saw it! It looked great! A blue-haired, black eyed god! The girls would go wild. I knew I had it. You were still a bit mental, but I had my front man! Despite the mess, and the fact that half your face was hanging off, I could see that the girls would go crazy for his pretty-boy looks, so I made him the Gorillaz singer!_

_**How could you not? There he stood before Murdoc "Love's young deity": whippet-thin, spiky, deathly- white pallor, black-hole eyes, awkward and angular, like a speed ridden corpse with grade eight keyboard skills. Perfect!**_

_**Murdoc recruited the newly revived (albeit still mentally defective) Stu- Pot as the keyboardist and vocalist for his group, re-naming him "2d" in honor of the two dents that he now sported in his head, scars left by the twin Murdoc- induced car accidents." **_

* * *

Murdoc spooned the carrot based substance into Stuart's mouth; he smiled, drooled, munched and swallowed slowly.

"Attaboy" Mudoc mused, making another dollop appear on the spoon before feeding the boy.

"Let's see if we can't get some meat on them bones of yours… Although, girls do like skinny boys, might be better for you if you're going to be my front man" Stu-Pot smiled and gurgled.

"Baby" Murdoc thought.

Here he was the legendary Murdoc Nicalls, sat feeding a grown man baby food. The Dullard even had a bib on for Christ's sake.

Needless to say the past nine months had not been good.

He had experienced Stuart's first migraine seven months ago which had literally scared the shit out of him. The boy had cowered under his duvets, shaked and then thrown up on his carpet moaning and clutching his head, hiding from the light It had not helped that Murdoc had taken most of his painkillers for himself and therefore had to buy some new ones. And then of course there was the most unpleasant aspect of it all, the baby food had somewhat ruined Stuart's internal organs and the end result was not pretty, especially for the man who had to clean up after him. Murdoc shuddered.

Although. It had been fun. He could do anything to him, beat the hell out of him, drown him, practice his most despicable acts of cruelty, and no one could complain as long as he covered the bruises. All the while Stuart just stared at him with puppy dog admiration, which made Murdoc even angrier. The boy was now a bane on his life, it was impossible to bring girls back with that dullard there and all his mates made frequent jokes about him spending his time changing the nappies of an 18 year old.

Stuart drooled and a mess of carroty gloop fell down his t-shirt onto Murdoc's shoes.

"Argh for fucks sake!" He slapped the boy upside his head, who moaned pathetically. "Great. Right. Bed it is."

He lifted the younger man out of his chair and positioned him onto the sofa under the duvets before getting changed and settling into his double bed. The lights were off and Murdoc focused on trying to get some sleep. He had never been so tired in all his life. He cursed his luck, from what went to an interesting and rather appealing younger man had turned into a dosed up baby. He sighed. It had been nine months now, and now it was winter, Murdoc pulled the duvets higher.

Across the room he heard Stuart shivering. He turned his light on to stare at the boy who looked pitifully freezing, right near the window and the door with the biggest droughts of cold air. He sighed. Remembering Rachel's instructions. Any chance of Stuart getting ill would fuck up his already miniscule immune system and he'd be in the hospital again, and murdoc would be quite literally buggered for life in jail.

"Fuck" he groaned and got out of bed, dragging the confused Stuart pot into his double bed and wrapping him round with duvets. He was as cold as ice.

"Maybe if you had some weight on you, you would get so bloody cold so quickly." He murmured to the boy rubbing his arms trying to increase his body temperature. He sighed and eventually just pulled the boy to him who smiled and snuggled against the Bassists' chest.

Great. Murdoc thought. How gay.

Although, the boy was very pretty, even with his one bandaged eye, his mop of blue hair smelling of butterscotch angel delight and his one brown eye staring up at the bassist, a look of pure happiness embedded in it. It made Murdoc feel a little unnerved, as always but it was still quite nice to be looked at with such admiration. His pale skin shone in the dim light from the lamppost outside, and the small purple black rings under his eyes contrasted clearly. The cute crooked smile beamed up at him with those beautiful pink lips. Murdoc remembered what it was like to kiss them, to feel the boy respond so quickly and run his long fingers through his hair.

Fuck it. I'm not fucking gay. He thought. No… he pondered. Maybe just bi? And besides he is very very pretty, he's practically a fucking girl. And he has a good voice, and good taste in music. That's what drew me to him in the first place…he it had been a good while since he had had a decent shag….

"Oh fuck it all"

Murdoc closed the gap in-between them and pressed his lips against the boys, Stuart moaned instantly and moved closer. Even in his weak state he responded, his arms fell loosely across the demons back, small nails scratching gently at the skin. Murdoc stopped kissing and grinned at him and Stuart smiled back. He pressed their bodies tighter together and kissed his neck, licking and biting gently (Rachel would murder him if he left any noticeable bruises anywhere obvious); when he got to Stuart's ear he licked around the shell and bit the lobe. Stuart moaned.

"You like that?" Murdoc murmured into his ear feeling the boy shiver and press himself closer to the bassist. His tiny little nails scratched harder against his back as though pleading him to go faster. Murdoc grinned wickedly and pushed the boy down hard who moaned again in surprise. He lay on top of him, working his way down his body, kissing, and making good use of his overly long tongue. Mentally remembering every bit of the boy's body and which bits he seemed to enjoy being touched the most. He hands lay by his sides as his body was too weak to move but he moaned and bit his lip.

Murdoc reached his pants and felt slightly hesitant. Yes he had fooled around with guys before when drunk or high, but never this far and if they had he had never been the one to do the business. He was the dominant one, always. Yet he felt somewhat responsible in ensuring Stuart felt good as well as feeling curious, Murdoc was always one for trying new things. So he ran his hand cautiously along the tented pants. Stuart moaned loudly and his back arched a little, his hips moving up by themselves.

"Like that Stuart?" the boy stared down at him with lust filled pleading eyes as a response. And Murdoc grinned evilly. He had all the power. He loved it.

With the nervousness gone from his mind, he yanked down Stuart's boxers and used his long tongue to lick from the base to the tip. Stuart shuddered and his hips thrust forward. The bassist held them down idly. He took his time, teasing Stuart into frenzy, working out all the little sweet spots that Stuart seemed to love, before taking the whole length in his mouth and sucking hard while his tongue wrapped round it tight. Stuart was losing it, moaning out, his voice sounding higher and higher and Murdoc was impressed at how high his singers vocals to reach.

He came when the demon's free hands began caressing his balls at the same time and Stuart shuddered and called out before falling limply, panting heavily.

Murdoc moved up to look down at his masterpiece, grimacing slightly at the taste as he swallowed. He grinned wickedly at the boy who smiled back with beautiful blushing cheeks, the look in his eyes completely at Murdoc's mercy. He reveled in it. Not only that but the boy spoken his first word in nine months, he had moaned Murdoc's name as he had come.

Murdoc kissed the boy again, swirling their tongues together.

He whispered into his ear as he dragged him down into the depth of the duvets.

"You're not sleeping until I'm done with you. Your mine now..."

The night was still young.

* * *

From that moment onwards Stuart was Murdoc's. The days were spent with him enjoying beating the crap out of him, seeing how far he would react to say, being electrocuted, and always Stuart's admiration and puppy dog love pissed him off all the more and made him hit harder, some days not even being able to stand the sight of the blue haired twerp.

Yet at night, it was different, he was truly his and he took pleasure from him in a whole new way. He learnt all the little things that made him squirm, the tender places to bite. This was often problematic as the boy bruised like a bitch. But still Murdoc enjoyed marking him, his singer, his property. And it felt good for once, to have someone respond. The girls he frequently brought back were merely slags who just needed a quick fuck. Nothing more. Stuart's gaze actually made the bassist feel wanted, feel sexy. It was an odd and brilliant thing, as much as he didn't want to admit it; he even began to wish Stuart would never wake up.

* * *

Three months later, a year to the date they had first met, Stuart and Murdoc were in a car park, addressing some rather well sized young girls when Murdoc decided to up the ante and try his hand at some 360s to gain some easy shags. He had forgotten to tie Stuart's seat belt as per usual which amused him greatly watching the Dullard slide around in the backseat, hitting the front seats hard. That was until they hit a lamppost and Stuart flew at top speed through the wind screen. Landing face first on the kerb.

All the fear Murdoc had felt when the first crash occurred came back. He was frozen to the spot. He had killed him. Again. His singer.

Yet this time, the body twitched by itself. He turned, slowly, his blue hair dripping into wet spikes, rain and a bit of blood.

Two black eyes stared through Murdoc. He shuddered, and beheld a God, his pretty boy looks intensified, no longer the odd combination of brown eyes and blue hair. The feelings that Murdoc had had for the boy prior intensified tenfold. Before he was pretty, now he was beautiful. Thin, lithe, sexy, awkward, the black gaze that saw into your soul filled with everything but emptiness and he smiled that gorgeous, crooked deliciously naughty smile of his. Murdoc grinned and ran out of the car.

"Stuart? Are you…. I mean... can you?"

The boy stared at him, a sideways glance.

"Murdoc?" He whispered in his British south eastern drawl.

Murdoc grinned. "You remember then"

"Well... I remember the crash... and the fight at the gig but that's about it…"

Murdoc paused. Not wanting to believe that the vocalist could have forgotten everything "So what about after the gig? When we walked back together?"

"I remember you needed a singer cause your vocals were shit." He laughed "and talking about the clash and stuff and then I remember the crash. That's it really."

"Fuck!" he groaned while Stuart picked bits of gravel from his face. He smiled suddenly. "Oh me mum! I remember her the night before! And before tat…. Yew….and me…"

Murdoc looked up hopefully. Stuart stared blankly back. "Didn't you give me your number?"

"FUCK!" Murdoc groaned.

* * *

"Stuart honey! I missed you so much! You were out for a year!" Rachel sighed handing her son some ice cream as they sat at the dinner table. David beaming at him. Murdoc had not stopped staring at Stuart in disbelief. How could he have forgotten all he had done for him! How he had saved his life. He owed him godammit. This was not how it was meant to be.

"A year!" Stuart asked bemused, happily spooning vanilla ice cream. "Really?"

"Yes really." Murdoc sighed in response. "Thank fuck that's over. It's been the longest year of my life. Now you can sod off back to that waste of time known as education and I can finally sort out my band."

Stuart paused, momentarily hurt. "But I don't want ta go back to school now, there's no point. I want to be your singer again. Can't I?"

Murdoc sat there in awe. Maybe he had remembered, or maybe he would with time. The two dented boy stared at him with hope filled charcoal eyes and Murdoc couldn't help but grin.

"Alright mate. We'll get a new flat together, and you can be my singer and keyboardist. Though you might need a new name. Something a bit cooler than Stu-Pot. No offence." He nodded at Rachel and David who shook their heads laughing a little.

"Hmmm" he mused. "You have two dents now, how about 2d for short?"

The newly named 2d beamed. "I love it! Fank yew Murdoc!" He grinned and Murdoc smiled back, catching the eye of Rachel who smiled approvingly back at him.

* * *

Well there you go chapter three :) hope you enjoyed it! Expect more to come soon. And id like to dedicate this chapter to one of my favorite gorillaz slash writers Luurvve who wrote the amazing Living Doll fanfic which got me interested into pre-gorillaz 2d and murdoc in the first place. All the quotes at the beginning are from Rise Of The Ogre of course.

Please read and review, but no homophobia etc. If you don't like gorillaz slash, then why did you read this fanfic in the first place?

Soundtrack this time is The Stone Roses I wanna be adored, when Stuart is dragged into bed with Murdoc.


	4. Chapter 4

Fantasy is better than reality: Chapter Four: A broken heart and cold chicken soup

A/N Murdoc doesn't actually have the Winnebago at this point. He gets it after they get the record deal money after the Camden Brown house in case anyone is like "eh?". Please read and review, and constructive criticism is appreciated as long as it's not homophobic because if you don't like 2d x murdoc why did you read this in the first place?

Rise of the Ogre

Russell: My first encounter with Murdoc was really when the bag went over my head. He asked me for some obscure 50's record and er...I turned around to look for it. I was working behind the counter in Big Rick Blacks Record Shack, in London's Soho area. I had my back turned to him for just a moment and that's when he slipped the sack over my head and bundled me out of the shop. It wasn't until it came off that I found myself at Kong Studios and that Murdoc Niccals was my assailant. But the music he played me was good enough to keep me there.

On Paula

2D: I can't believe you did that, Murdoc

Murdoc: I did you a favour mate. She was a rubbish-looking bird. Seriously, she looked like Grayson Perry or something. Your best shot of her.

2D: it's just the principle.

Murdoc: Look. She was depressingly ugly. Easily enough to put you off your dinner. You should thank me.

* * *

The blow to his stomach took him off guard. He sobbed momentarily winded.

"Carry the fucking boxes dullard" Murdoc ordered walking up the hill in front of them to the desolate building.

Stuart moaned, spat out a little blood and sighed.

It had been three months, three awful awkward months. Sometimes the bassist smiled at him, mostly he just stared at him, and Stuart could always feel the mismatched glare into the back of his skull, as though the Satanist was trying to get him to remember something but what? The Blue haired boy just couldn't fathom, so he tried to be nice and give the man what he wanted. It had been hard for him; Stuart didn't like being a burden on people and having made that man look after him… do all those things for him…. the diapers and everything.

It was so humiliating.

Stuart sighed and walked quickly his arms filled with boxes, afraid of angering the bassist further.

They had lived in Murdoc's tiny bedsit for the last two and a half months since he woken up, fairly pleasantly at first, just making demos, watching films, smoking and talking occasionally going to see gigs.

Stuart could now read Murdoc perfectly. He knew all those little telltale expressions, what to do when he was pissed off, tired, hung-over, how he liked his tea ( strong, one sugar, as little milk as possible) and yet he still seemed to irritate the bassist without doing anything, sometimes it seemed that just looking at him without meaning to seemed to be insulting enough.

Truth be told Stuart would have been happy living in the bedsit, sleeping on Murdoc's couch forever if it hadn't of been for the boiler breaking, all of three weeks ago. No heat, in the middle of winter and it was murder. Stuart started to get freaked out that he would lose his toes to frostbite and took to wearing four pairs of socks. Murdoc had argued with him day in day out about how he wasn't going to die of pneumonia and how much of an idiot he was until they felt like a married couple and then Murdoc decided he couldn't take it anymore and tried to find them a better place. Murdoc's luck amazed Stuart sometimes, being the perv he was one night looking at that redtube website he just happened to find a pop up link to the weirdest website and the most perfect offer.

An old abandoned mansion, with decent heating, fifty or so rooms and a graveyard any horror aficionado could yearn for. Although it did slight freak Stuart out when the previous owner just threw the keys at Murdoc and ran off down the hell screaming. Oh well, it was cheap and he'd have his own room whilst still living with the bassist. He smiled in spite of himself and hoped Murdoc didn't notice his happy expression.

They reached the top of the steps and opened the doors. Darkness. Murdoc pressed a switch and the lights flickered on to a big room leading to long corridors. It was completely empty, dust ridden and spiders fled from the incoming sunlight. Stuart noticed blood splatters on some of the walls and shuddered.

"It's haunted" Murdoc grinned at him rubbing his hands, "There's a graveyard supposedly buried underneath it and everything. That's why I got it for nothing, it's brilliant, and you can make as much noise as you like here!"

Stuart frowned. Great. He thought. So if Murdoc goes all shining on me, then no ones gonna rescue me. Although... He experimentally sang out a resounding "Laaaaaaaaaa!" and it echoed quite nicely.

"Good acoustics! And the heating seems to be working" He grinned at the older man who slapped him on the back making Stuart drop the numerous boxes in his hands.

"There's some more in the car. You go fetch and ill check the place out for any squatters." Murdoc replied and took a knife out of his pocket; Stuart gulped, hoping that Murdoc didn't find anyone.

* * *

Twelve trips back later and much tidying Stuart collapsed in a pile on the opening hall floor and looked proudly around at his work. No more cobwebs and spiders, a sofa against the walls and Murdoc's jukebox and a table in the middle of the room. Murdoc handed him a cup of tea and smiled almost fondly at him, which Stuart took slightly shocked at the act of kindness. He sniffed it... Well you could never be too sure with Murdoc.

"Check this guy out" Murdoc spoke sitting down next to Stuart against the wall, photo in one hand mug of coffee in the other. He held the Polaroid up.

A quickly taken snapshot of a shop window, the man inside was black, looked young but quite big for his age and was dressed in jeans and a big sports jumper. He had no hair and completely white eyes.

"Whose dis then?" Stuart pondered taking a sip of the tea and sighing happily. Didn't taste like poison.

"That my blue haired friend is a mister Rusell Hobb's."

Stuart's eyes widened. "The possessed hip-hop guy? Nah, I don't believe yew! I thought tat was just a myth or somefing."

"Nope" Murdoc grinned. "He's as real as you or I and I know where he works, He is going to be our drummer"

"Wicked, as he said yes then? That's great!" 2d beamed at the Satanist who frowned.

"Well… he hasn't exactly said yes... But he'll come around…" Murdoc grinned wickedly as though an evil plan had already formed in his mind. "Now all we need is a guitarist"

"'ow about Paula?" Stuart smiled. "She's good, been buying guitar strings form uncle norms for ages, and she likes the Clash."

"Hmmm." Murdoc grumbled trying to remember who she was. Ah, Paula Cracker, 2d's sort of girlfriend, that ugly bird with the black hair eh? Well if she can play.

"How long you been seeing her now?" Murdoc questioned sipping from his lukewarm coffee. He decided it wasn't strong enough and poured the rest of the bottle from his pocket into it. He sipped it, ah much better.

2d smiled. "Bout two months? Since I could remember her number. She's alright you know sort of gothic like yew but she's fun" He grinned a cheeky smile and Murdoc elbowed him in the ribs making him blush.

"Fun eh? Well we see…"

* * *

It was a Thursday evening and Rusell Hobbs found himself doing the most boring tasks of all, the late shift, nine till twelve, with the shop unsurprisingly empty, Del amused himself by sitting on the counter going through the various new records and rating them out of ten. Russell laughed joining in with the rating system whilst arranging the records in the shop window. He looked at the clock on the wall realising he had another five more hours of work, he sighed feeling tired and extraordinarily bored but at least he had Del to amuse him.

Del picked up a westlife Cd and grimaced, Russell laughed.

"I miss the US; the music here is wack man"

Russell smiled "Yeah, your right, but their old stuff is good 'sides its cool here, we'll be back there soon. We just need to chill out for a while, it's boring here but that's a good thing. Give us some time to relax since the crash, ya dig?" Russell smiled at him and the ghost grinned back before looking shocked as the door was flung open and quickly flying into his home in Russell's skull Russell shivered at the sudden coldness.

The being that entered was dressed in black, a razor sharp fringe covered his eyes and he grinned in a way that attempted to elude nonchalance but couldn't hide the evil within. Russell eyed him carefully.

"Can I help you?"

"Yeah mate, Im looking for this record, _**Johnny Cash with His Hot and Blue Guitar **_you got it?" The demon asked and Rusell frowned.

"We should do somewhere; it'll be in 50s, hold on"

The hip hop hard man turned and began to flick through the records.

"Typical" He thought to himself. "It's always the weird ones this late at night"

He turned back to the demon. "Im sorry, I don't think we have I-"

He was cut off as a bag was slung over his head, and he was dragged, with vast difficulty and swearing, out of the shop and into a Van.

* * *

"I cannot fuckin' believe yew murdoc!" The accent was British, south eastern and slightly too high pitched to belong to a man. Russell attempted to move and felt ropes rub against his hands tightly. He was trapped.

"Fine, fine, I'll untie him! Alright, don't get your knickers in a twist two dents...Satan I swear you're a girl. It's like havin' a fuckin' wife with yew sometimes."

The bag was lifted and Russell winced, his eyes adjusting to the light as he stared at his attacker. His suspicions were corrected as he saw a razor-sharp black fringe and a black and red mismatched gaze.

"Look. I don't know what the hell you want but I swear, ya'll better let me go now before I break out and smash the hell out of ya. You're forgetting I got backup here aight?" Russell yelled at his attacker and the demon looked momentarily frightened, he gestured at a younger looking tall man with blue hair and unusually black eyes who placed a tape player in front of Russell who continued to shout abuse. He paused in his threats and stared at the tape player curiously.

"We were wondering if you would like to consider joining my band" The demon grinned and pressed play. The drummer protested again calling the demon every name under the sun, until he heard the first few beats and his expression changed slowly from anger, to amusement and shock. He stared up at the two men and sighed a grin on his face.

"Aight. That is the best shit I've heard in a long time. That yours?"

"Yeah, the bass is mine and two dents over there does the keyboards and vocals, I need a drummer. Yew in then?"

Russell grinned. "Yeah, alright. Untie me and you got yourself a deal"

* * *

_Two months later..._

Murdoc stared at the guitarist and felt a wave of anger wash over him. There she was, the ugliest skank he had ever seen in his life and there he was, his singer, fussing all over her.

"He should be paying attention to me" Murdoc fumed, he was the one after all who had looked after him, cooked and cleaned for him, let him into his band, he had practically made that dullard who he was today for fucks sake.

Christ, the dumb bitch he raged wincing at her screeching voice, the only thing she had going for her was her body... Murdoc mused and stared at her, she caught him looking and blushed a shade of red contrasting her pale skin, Stuart didn't seem to notice, too infatuated with her and telling some crazy story about how he fell out of a tree when he was ten.

There it was, that look, the thing that annoyed Murdoc the most, the fact that despite how much 2d seemed to adore her, she neither cared for him nor deserved him, she only wanted Murdoc and he knew it.

It pissed him off beyond all reason, seeing the way 2d loved her, paying all his attention to her when he should be with his best friend. It was his band, his singer, and he would be damned if he would let her ruin this, the one good thing he had had going in a long time.

Murdoc smiled, a plan already forming in his mind; she wasn't a very good guitarist anyway. Paula saw him smiling and beamed back at him, a blush filling her cheeks, her eyes filled with love and lust.

He knew what he had to do. Murdoc Niccals licked his lips.

* * *

"I can't believe ya man. You deserve all ya get; you know how much that boy loved her."

"I was doing him a favour! She was a right ugly bird; he's better off without her for fucks sake!" Murdoc protested and sighed staring at his nose in the mirror.

It had been a week since the incident and the swelling had still not gone down, he nose was well and truly broken now. He had never been in so much pain in his life, until of course he saw the way Stuart had looked at him.

It was as though you could hear the actual breaking of his heart, the moment he stepped into the toilets, saw Russell's fist covered in blood, Murdoc leaning against the wall in pain and Paula rushing past him putting back on her t-shirt as she left. His eyes widened in shock, his mouth agape and then he looked at the bassist with the saddest look Murdoc had ever seen; it had nearly killed him.

One week later and Stuart had not left his basement room nor spoken to the bassist. Murdoc hadn't dared to visit him, and since he was currently living on the second floor their paths barely crossed.

"Look man, the boy needs to eat, and he needs to talk to you too. Take this down to him aight"

The bassist began to protest but the look he received from the drummer was enough to make him reconsider.

* * *

Murdoc rapped at the bluenette's door and placed the bowl of chicken soup and toast on the floor.

"Come on mate, we need to talk..." Murdoc sighed through the wall.

"Go. Away. I don't wanna talk to yew Murhdoc." The boy replied.

Murdoc hit his head against the door.

"Dullard please, look, im sorry ok, she just... it was just... you know me, you know what I'm like. I can't change the way I am. And besides she was never good enough for you anyway!" Murdoc paused silent for a moment, he could hear breathing from the door, it sounded as though Stuart was crying. He tried to speak and his voice wavered before he swallowed and spoke in the sweetest possible way he could.

"I have some soup here for yew, Chicken Broth... you know it's your favourite D, please come out..." He murmured through the door. He heard a slight movement in the room. There was a pause.

"R...really?"

"Yes...Stu. But I mean if yew don't want it I could always..."

The door opened quickly and the vocalist appeared, he was dressed in black pyjama bottoms and a Stranglers t-shirt, his eyes bloodshot from tears and his hair extremely ruffled as though he had just woken up, he had obviously been sleeping for days. Murdoc felt a jolt run through him.

Look what youve done to him Murdoc. You've broken his heart... Murdoc tried to ignore his thoughts and smiled at the boy. He handed him the chicken soup there was an awkward pause.

"I don't 'ate ya Murdoc." Stuart sighed and dipped a piece of bread into the soup smiling at the taste. "I can't 'ate yew no matter how hard I try. It's just I thought you were my mate..."

"I know. I am, it's just this is in my nature yew know that." Stuart smiled begrudgingly dipping more bread into the mixture and munching on it, whilst still pouting at the older man.

"Come on, yew can't stay down 'ere forever. Russell misses ya, besides we have to audition for a new guitarist and we need ya on the panel mate." Murdoc stuck his hands in his pockets.

Stuart smiled, hope in his eyes. "Ya need me?"

Murdoc suddenly felt very awkward. "We, Dullard. WE need yew. Now come on, stick some decent clothes on and get your arse up to the studio."

2d smiled and nodded at him, his head cocked to the left and a curious look came into his eyes. His fingers moved quickly and he lightly reached out and touched the bump on Murdoc's overly swollen nose. Murdoc winced and pulled back, gripping onto the boys hand as it left his face.

"Does it really hurt?" 2d whispered, biting his lip, his vast black eyes filled with concern.

"Yeah." Murdoc stared at him, unnerved by how expressive 2d's gaze could be despite technically being empty, he looked down realising he was still holding onto the bluenette's hand and there was an extremely awkward pause. They both stared at their clasped hands, 2d's far too long fingers moved slightly over Murdoc's and the bassist shivered he could sense the grin creeping onto the boys face.

"See you in the studio Dullard" He stated releasing the boys hand and leaving him staring after him in the doorway, with a broken heart and cold chicken soup.

* * *

I apologise for this I know I promised it a while ago but exams and colds and box sets of the L word kinda took over my brain a bit. But meh here you go I hope you liked.

Music: I just imagined 2d singing along to blur's for tomorrow while taking the boxes up and sorting out the room. There is this entirely piano song by Royksopp in their album The Understanding, I have no clue what it's called but its gorgeous and I just imagined it in my head when I wrote the bit when Murdoc remembers 2d walking in on him. Finding the man he loves platonically and possibly romantically screwing with the girl he actually loves? Gotta be a head fuck and a heart breaker, poor 2d, any who chapter five soon, involving a certain miss Stevens, fuckloads more jealousy and to top it all off possibly sex, Im not sure yet, but hey you know, its Jamaica, the first promotional tour. If they were in a relationship (which they are not but I so wish they were ) things probably would have started around then. So wait and see and thank you so much to those who have faved/ loved and commented on this your reviews mean a lot to me and I appreciate it greatly .


	5. Chapter 5

Fantasy is better than reality Chapter five: Rachel Stevens and the Camden Brown house

This chapter involves Murdoc and 2d in a bed together XD I'm really sorry for the wait, I've had exams and yadda yadda excuses. This is dedicated to Lucy who I adore, and Nina who I haven't spoken to enough and miss terribly :(

I will make a statement, it is this. If you don't like gorillaz slash then don't read this, because you will only annoy yourself.

Also for those of you who do like it then check out our community that we trying to build for all gorillaz slash artists/writers/lovers:

**

* * *

****From the radio one webchat 2001**

Joella: Does Noodle mind being the only girl in the band, especially as she is only 10?

Noodle through interpreter Alan: What is there to mind about? It's a dream come true. I've got three big brothers - one who smells like butterscotch, one who smells like box-fresh trainers, and the other one that smells like halitosis on toast.

**From Rise of the Ogre **

2d: I met this girl from s club 7, Rachel Stevens, and we started going out together, she's really nice.

Murdoc: what does the "s" stand for?

2d throws a look over to Murdoc. Murdoc winks. 2d looks down. More trouble no doubt.

Murdoc however, once again had more pressing matters to attend to that evening than hanging out talking about music. Mr Niccals had his thieving magpie eyes on 2d's new belle, the lovely young chanteuse Ms Rachel Stevens. He spent most of the evening lulling and beguiling her with his magical intoxicating mantra "go on, go on, oh go on, go on ,go on, go on,"

Finally when she could resist his potent charms no more, she threw her drink in his face and stormed out. 2D and Rachel split up the next day due to Murdoc's incessant pestering.

* * *

There are stages in life, blissful unexplainable moments that take you over, they fill you up with hope and happiness and despite their lack of longevity you don't care at the time. You cannot even consider that they may pass and things won't be like that for ever, you just live in the moment and pray when you do fall, that the fall doesn't kill you. Sat in darkness, at two in the morning with the loudness of laughter, a radio and wishes for their first gig in everyone's minds, Stuart Pot was having one of those stages.

Sat next to the demon himself, the laughing devilish Murdoc Niccals, watching him snarl at traffic and tell dirty jokes to Russell laughing so hard in the background that he spilled dr pepper all over his new vans. Stuart Pot was happy, with a new life, a new parka, the phone number of the most beautiful girl he had ever met on his new phone and the most perfect, cute, amazing and talented being sat asleep on his lap.

Her sweet little fingers grasped round the folds of his parka jacket, the late nights of band practices as they headed towards Camden for their first proper gig had taken their toll on her and she whimpered lightly in her sleep. She was so small and vulnerable yet surprisingly so powerful too. Stuart worried at the thought of her journey, travelling all by herself in a fed ex crate of all things. When the meeting had gotten so boring, just endlessly shit guitarists going on and on about razorlight and oasis and hippies, (they had had to hold Murdoc back to stop him killing one hippie lover who proclaimed that all heavy metal was awful and that Ozzy Osborne was a sellout) and then finally, this beautiful entity had appeared, her cute little head had popped over the crate and she had whispered one word.

Noodle.

They had stood there, all four of them grinning from ear to ear, a force palpable to fate had possessed them and the following band practices were the greatest moments in Stuart's life. All of them happy, and yet something was amiss. Stuart stared over at the bassist as the light dimmed his vision; Murdoc had not hit him for over three weeks. It was as though, since the incident outside his room he no longer wanted to even touch Stuart, although he still caught him staring at him from time to time, the expression like Murdoc himself, unreadable.

"Why do you care though honey? That's a good thing surely?" Rachel had smiled at him, Rachel Steven's. His new girlfriend. Stuart grinned at the thought of her, long brown hair, beautiful brown eyes and a heart of gold, the fact that she was a singer in a pop band, who could dance and swing her gorgeous body like a goddess also appealed to him too. Naturally.

He had tried to explain to her.

"Its complicated love, it's like e's my best mate, and 'e isn't bein h'isself you know what I mean? Murdoc to not get pissed off and stuff is like….un-murdoc." She had laughed at him and sighed that it really didn't sound like a bad thing to her.

Stuart felt a wave of nausea suddenly pass over him. He had invited her to the gig… Murdoc had been rather too pleased to hear that piece of news. But he wouldn't, again, surely?

Stuart sighed.

So much noise, so much craziness, never a moment still in his life, emotional turmoil, Noodle snuggled deeper into his parka and yawned, her eyes like two bright pools filled with happiness, love and tiredness.

"Ello darling, did ya ave a good sleep?" Stuart smiled down at her.

She nodded and rubbed her eyes with her sleeve "Hai"

"Stick her in my bed if she wants, we'll be there in two hours or so" Murdoc muttered to Stuart, without glancing at him, Stuart smiled.

"Alright honey, let's get you to a nice warm bed." 2d picked the young girl up and carried her to Murdoc's bedroom. The stench overpowered him as he set her down under the warm duvets. She smiled up at him. "2d sleepy?"

She patted the vast space beside her and he smiled weakly.

"Alrigh, since we'll be there in a bit anyway." He removed his parka and went to lie on top of the purple sheets but Noodle had started pulling them over him, and she could be surprisingly strong.

He laughed and relented feeling content, as she seemed to fall instantaneously back to sleep beside him.

In the darkness of the room he could hear Russell's laughter in the background and Murdoc's gravelly, deranged voice going on about some woman he'd slept with last time he was in Camden. It was probably a fabrication, Stuart mused. So much of what Murdoc rambled on about was, aside from the bits Stuart could remember he'd said to him when he was comatose. It was coming back slowly now day by day, bits that didn't make sense, emotions that seemed strange, weird and wonderful dreams and snippets of conversations. It made him feel odd, knowing that Murdoc had confided in him so much.

He snuggled up under the duvet and felt a pang of-something, a kick in his stomach, some kind of scent seemed to bring back a forgotten moment from the fog within his brain. Happiness, fulfillment and…Lust? Some kind of familiar scent.

"But I slept on the sofa….." Stuart mused as he drifted into dream space.

In the darkness he felt fingers brush over his forehead, pulled a strand or two behind his ear, warm lips against his briefly, then a camera flash.

* * *

"Nuh no pictures!"

"What the bloody hell are yew on about dullard? We're here, come on get up" Murdoc threw 2ds converse at him.

"But sumone was taking pictures!" he mumbled rubbing his forehead. Noodle sat cross legged beside him giggling already dressed for the gig.

"Bloody ell, 'ow long was I asleep for?"

Russell laughed, "oh about six hours, Murdoc's estimation wasn't entirely accurate. They've booked us a hotel to stay at until the gig tonight, thought we might need the sleep."

"Tha's nice of them" Stuart smiled, putting his trainers and parka back on.

"Shame you looked soooo adorable lying in my fucking bed. Who the fuck said you could sleep there eh? Now it's going to stink of yew" Murdoc drawled sarcastically before punching 2ds arm lightly 2d stared at it in shock, before beaming up at Murdoc.

He looked a little unnerved at the reaction. "Did ya just called me adorable?" he giggled sticking his tongue in-between the gap where his two front teeth should be.

"Oh for Satans sake" Murdoc sighed and kicked him.

* * *

"Why the 'ell does it ave to be us together? I don't want to be roped in with that dullard!" Murdoc complained waving his arms.

"Jesus man would you shut up! It's been seven hours now, just deal with it, it'll only be for one night!" Russell moaned his head in his arms.

"Aren't there more pressing matters to attend to like the fact that it's our first real gig and the place is packed already?"

"Fine fine" Murdoc mumbled, strapping his bass on. "But we don't need to worry about that, we will be amazing. I can feel it"

Stuart nodded. For once Murdoc was right, the feeling between them all when they had first met had seemed to increase tenfold. The nerves was almost killing him, but then again, the lure of the crowd, and to be able to see Rachel watch him play for the first time made him anxious to just get on stage and sing his lungs out. He giggled with the excitement and had a cigarette to calm his nerves, but just as he was about to light up a voiceover rang out over the crowd. He sighed, placed it back in his pocket and joined his band mates onto the stage. The moment had finally come.

* * *

"Electric!"

"But Like fire!"

"Oh my god oh my god oh my god you were just so oh my god!" Stuart smiled at his new fans as they crowded round him. The gig had been a success, the audience had lunged to the stage, he had almost got electrocuted from the microphone and a riot had broken out which had resulted in a fire. Now they all stood in the "after party" as they had been signed, then and there.

It was amazing. Noodle was beaming eating chocolate cake next to Russell discussing The Beastie Boys with Damon Albarn from Blur of all people and Murdoc was, was.

He saw the fingers run through her hair, she pulled back disgusted, one hand reached out to touch her shoulder but fell much lower than it should have. A glass smashed as water was thrown into Murdoc Nicalls face and Rachel Stevens stormed away.

Murdoc caught his gaze across the room, water dripping from his bangs and he winked.

* * *

There was no point and Stuart knew it, if he called her now she would only be furious, accuse him of being an awful person, with awful friends and it wasn't really her scene anyway. She was a pop princess and he...well Stuart was a wannabe mod into punk and electro. It was no use.

He called her, she wouldn't pick up.

Fourteenth try.

It's not going to work, we're too different, this is ruining our relationship.

He's always there!

I don't care if he can't help it, you shouldn't be friends with him!

Why do you stick with him!

It's like you're his boyfriend and not mine!

It's over Stuart.

I love you.

I'm sorry.

His world, his everything collapsed, she had been the one, she had to be. And he had done it again. Last time was meant to be just that, the last fucking time but no. Would it ever stop? Stuart swore and kicked the wall beside him. Outside he could Murdoc getting ready for bed.

Great, now he had to share a bed with that useless old lecherous Goth.

He tried to hide the tears. Even worse, now he would definitely know and take the piss out of him for being such a girl.

He wiped his eyes with his sleeves and walked out of the bathroom. Murdoc was sat on the bed waiting for him.

"Stuart. I-"

But Stuart was too tired, to fed up of everything. He turned off the light and got into bed, leaving Murdoc alone in the dark.

He heard a sigh and then felt a weight beside him as the duvets shifted.

He couldn't take it anymore.

"Stuart…are you crying? Shit. I- I was drunk mate. I didn't think about what I was doing. They'll be more, prettier girls you know that, we're rock stars now!" Murdoc has rolled over and was speaking into Stuart's back.

Stuart couldn't speak, he moved his face deeper into the pillow.

He felt Murdoc switch the light on above him, his arm pulled him round to face him.

Dark eyes seemed redder; tears ran down his cheeks his face turning scarlet with anger.

"There are ya fucking happy Murdoc. Did ya get what ya wanted? Your band, your singer. I'm fucking stuck with you, cause she was the only girl I've ever really loved, I thought I was gonna marry her for fucks sake! And now that she's gone that just leaves me an yew, ya happy now? We're fucking stuck together forever and ever. We're practically fucking married. We're even sharing a bed!"

Stuart was screaming now, sat up with murdoc sitting staring at him in shock. He finished and wiped his eyes again, waiting for Murdoc to hit him or call him an idiot or whatever it was that he was considering doing. What he did do was entirely unexpected. He laughed, smiling at Stuart with a grin that was rarely visible, as though he was somehow happy. Stuart couldn't help it and laughed too.

"Am I the wife then? I could look good in a dress and heels, you'd have to be the breadwinner though, I'm too fucking lazy to work"

"Of course" Stuart smiled. Murdoc reached out an arm and wiped Stuart's cheek free from tears.

"That's twice I've cried in front of ya now" Stuart complained. He loathed feeling weak, especially in front of Murdoc.

"I don't care mate. It's expected. I didn't realize she meant so much to yew if I'd had known I might of …"

Stuart pulled a face at him and laughed

"Alright I would've done it anyway. But you know, that's just me. I'm sorry Stu, but think about it this way, plenty more fish in the sea eh? You're a signed rock star now mate come on! Fame and fortune awaits!" Murdoc took Stuarts arms and threw them in the air with his dramatically. The bluenette giggled.

"There we go! That's more like it" He smiled at Stuart who smiled back, but then paused.

"I've never seen ya this happy." he mused. " Since I said I was stuck with you forever…"

"Oh shut it dullard as if. You may be my...well...let's just call it friend..." he drawled out the word uncomfortably. "But it doesn't mean I want to have to wake up to your scrawny face every morning, I'm just happy that you've gone back to being your normal loopy self, that you've...vented all your problems and that I got what I came for. Record deal" he grinned evilly.

Stuart chuckled. "Hmm you could be right" He sighed and moved to get back under the duvets.

As the light switched off he remembered something and turned over in the bed.

"Murdoc..."

"Yessss Dullard?"

"Did…did I ever sleep in your bed when I was comatose, like sleep with you in your bed?"

There was an uncomfortable silence.

"Murdoc? I've been aving these odd dreams and then the other night when I slept in yours it just reminded me of some stuff…"

"What kind of stuff?"

"I dunno, it was just odd, like id been there before with ya, but I slept on the sofa right. You'd tell me if anything had like, 'appened to me when I was all lucid"

"Of course dullard, now go to sleep"

Beside him Stuart slept soundly as Murdoc stared at him with fear, a hint of anxiousness and a bit of happiness. What if he did remember? Why now when everything was getting so good and he'd just got rid of that bitch and gotten his singer all to himself again? He moved a few strands of blue hair behind his ear and leaned in gently kissing his singer.

"G'night Dullard" he whispered and lay beside the singer, remembering the nights that felt so long ago as the familiar smell of butterscotch flavored angel delight filled his senses.

* * *

A/N yeah! Another chapter done, again I'm sorry for the wait. I hope you liked it lots and if you did please review :) the next chapter will definitely be about Jamaica and the promotional tour and… it will involve naughtiness! I mean it this time! Involving our two male protagonists of course :) Hope you liked this lots of love to all who review it means a lot to me :)


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter six: Fantasy is better than reality: Jamaica

A/N sorry for the long wait. The tracks to bear in mind for this is 2d would be listening to Massive Attack's unfinished sympathy and later of course man research but I was also listening to Gorillaz's cover of the xx's crystallised and angus and Julia stone- big jet plane. Yes, this chapter involves 2d x murdoc so if you don't like it you shouldn't have clicked on it in the first place really.

I dedicate this chapter to three people:Aka, Lucy (littlememorise) and Hiskubus who I miss and haven't spoken to for a while: /

* * *

**Rise of the Ogre:**

"_With the album signed, sealed and delivered, Russell and Noodle returned to the UK, to source some directors for Gorillaz first video promo. Meanwhile, Murdoc and 2d stayed on in Jamaica to relax, and chill out." _

A/N I love that. Combined with Murdoc's pic above it of 2d, could you get more slashy than that?

**Rise of the Ogre: 2d's diary in U.k dance magazine Seven, sept 26th 2001:**

"_We left Heathrow on august 15__th__, Murdoc was green and sick and ill. He hadn't slept the night before 'cos he hates flying, so he was shitting himself. He acts all tough, but he's easily scared." _

_

* * *

_

"Brother Sister too, do what you must do, don't trust people you meet..."

"_They might promise you, that the river ain't deep..."_

Murdoc glanced up from his notebook to stare at Stuart who grinned back at him.

"Nice man, I like it" He scrawled the sentence along with the other lyrics, and caught in the corner of his eye the boy turn a shade of red akin to a traffic light at the rare compliment.

It took him longer than necessary to write and to his annoyance Stuart noted this, he couldn't control the shaking in his hands.

"Muds, ya never flown before?" Stuart asked quietly, his dark eyes filled with concern.

"I'm fine dullard. Honestly. Don't get your knickers in a twist, Christ you're such a girl!"

The boy stared at him with his head tilted to the side, his typical one eye squinting 2dish look before placing his hand on Murdoc's who glared at him for the sudden affection, Stuart ignored the evil expression on the Satanist face and squeezed the mans hand.

"Don't worry mate, you're secrets safe wif me" He grinned the most gorgeously sweet natured of smiles and stuck his headphones in his ears, leaned back and closed his eyes.

Murdoc continued to glare evilly at him, but eventually gave up when he realised the boy was in a world of his own, Massive Attack playing just loud enough to hear over the air hostess whingeing on about fire exists and seats.

Murdoc lay back in his seat and sighed, rubbing his eyes attempting to wake up and failing miserably. Why couldn't planes fly at a normal time and not 3 AM in the f***ing morning?

He glanced over at the boy and glared again, Why did he always have to know exactly what was in his head like that?

It unnerved him to no end and as much as he wanted to, he couldn't hide anything from Stuart. He was possibly the closest to a true best mate he had ever gotten in his life. Although like a true friend, he still annoyed the f*** out of him.

Stupid Stuart thinking he knew all with his stupid pretty boy looks and stupid pale skin and loveliness f*** him what did he know?

A lot unfortunately, Stuart was right and he knew it. Murdoc didn't like flying.

He could drink any drink, stage dive, mosh, f*** like the devil, take any manner of possibly fatal drugs and still get up and ask for more but flying? Scared the shit out of him. Although, he supposed staring out of the plane window. Best to get used to it now that he was in a soon to be world famous band.

He beamed, feeling genuinely happy for a moment. The sunlight bouncing over the clouds over the sea outside the window, a beautiful sunrise and they were going to Jamaica! With Russell ahead of him and Noodle yammering on in un-understandable Japanese and Stuart beside him humming along, things were for once in his life actually looking up.

He grinned again licking his lips when disaster struck.

Landing.

He felt the bile rise in his throat and his fingers dug into the seat, this was by far his least favourite part of flying. He tried not to look out the window and instead closed his eyes hoping no one notice his terrified expression. He felt a hand grip his tightly;

Stuart's.

Through his fear he turned to stare at him, his eyes were closed a calm expression on his face, leaned back.

Murdoc leaned back too, their shoulders barely touching; half leaning against one another as he gripped the boys hand so hard he was sure there would be blood. He made no noise, only squeezed back almost comfortingly; Murdoc winced at the bump to the ground and opened his eyes finally to see Stuart's calming adoring gaze and his sweet smile. The embodiment of such unadulterated love and affection, regardless of all the bassist had done to him.

"We're here!" he grinned, pure happiness and childlike excitement. Murdoc smiled back.

"Ya coming or what! I think Noodle's gonna explode from hyperactivity!" Russell yelled at them and they got off their seats. "Ya alright man?" Russell questioned Murdoc who still hadn't taken his gaze of the vocalist who chattered on about the food he wanted to eat and where he wanted to go first with Noodle on his shoulders pointing in random directions and hitting 2d in the face by kicking her legs in excitement.

Murdoc broke his gaze with him and stared at Russell laughing, hitting him hard on the back much to the drummer's annoyance.

"Of course I'm fine, we're in Jamaica mate! Come on, to the hotel bar!" He chuckled walking in front of 2d and Noodle barking orders at them as to where to go first and leaving the drummer staring at him, making a mental note to watch the bassist carefully over the next few weeks.

* * *

Russell was worried.

Something wasn't right.

They had been in Jamaica for over three weeks now, chilling out, making amazing music and generally having a good time, but something about the bassist's behaviour put him on edge. Particularly when 2d was concerned.

There were of course, arguments as per usual. You couldn't live with Murdoc for long without irritating him in some way, yet they were trivial compared to the ones at home. And of course the boys got into a fight once or twice which was again, normal for them, like brothers really.

But no.

What bothered Russell most was that… well…Murdoc was being _nice_.

He noticed little things between them, caught the bassist staring at 2d more than usual and not with the usual evil glare, complimenting him, and usually Murdoc detested any form of bodily contact unless it was to a woman and then it was sexual, but since the plane ride, in fact, since the Camden brownhouse. Murdoc body language around the boy had changed. Light touches on his arms, pats on the back; he even ruffled his hair at one point.

It was all very strange.

Since the absence of Rachel and Paula, Murdoc had been a lot happier, almost, Russell mused, as though he had 2D all to himself…

But…

It couldn't be that….

No….

That was just…

"Earugh" Russell moaned at the mere notion of Murdoc's intentions towards 2d being anything like that. Although, if it was it did explain a lot of odd things that had occurred recently, like the coconut tree, when it almost looked as though Murdoc was trying to take pictures of 2d getting changed for the beach when he fell and hurt his back

(" I was just shimmying up a coconut tree , looking for some bottles of Malibu!") And just now when 2d had been sat on the roof of their brief home on the beach, singing about gravity and the world and just coming out with amazing lyrics. The way Murdoc had watched him was almost… not love but something close.

It was strange and confusing and Russell felt conflicted. On one hand if this meant the bassist did love the boy (more than how he already did, however much he tried to hide it Russell and Noodle could both tell there was some plutonic affection between them) then maybe it was a good thing, if it resulted in a happier Murdoc and a less bruise covered 2d, yet what if it was merely a sexual whim? It would be extraordinarily bad for the band if 2d fell in love with him and Murdoc just used him, not to mention how much it would crush the boy after Paula and Rachel. It might push him over the edge.

Russell sighed, his head in his hands. It was impossible to debate now without knowing the Satanists true intentions but considering how happy 2d had looked when Murdoc had ruffled his hair and how Murdoc had grinned back, it didn't seem all bad.

"Err Russell?" a ginger man with glasses asked with Noodle smiling beside him.

"Oh hey Dave, hey baby girl" Russell smiled at her as she went to cuddle him and kissed him on the cheek before saying "Oyasuminasai Russell". She said goodnight to Dave, but then paused, said something in Japanese before looking at Russell again and smiling leaving for bed.

Russell caught his name in the midst of the foreign language. When she had gone he turned to Dave.

"What did she say?"

Dave looked at him slightly stumped; "she said: "Russell there is no point in debating the unpredictable, let them be who they are. We cannot change others emotions, only hope for the best in humanity" it's probably just her Zen Buddhism crap again, it made no sense to me, do you have a clue what she was on about?"

"Err..." Russell gaped at him wordlessly before laughing and shaking his head. "Yes, and I'm sure she's right. So on that note I'm off to bed. Night mate" Russell left the room leaving an overly confused Dave by the room window.

* * *

"Their probably just getting dressed now"

"I dun 'no man, they seemed really intent on that shopping trip today." 2d mused staring at the pacing bassist and smiling.

"But we hired the studio for today! Do they have any idea how much it costs? We could have spent the money on far more useful things, like rum...or women..." He licked his lips in his usual lecherous manner and 2d shuddered.

"Well... we 'ave the studio for the whole afternoon to our selves then, ya wanna work on finishing the vocals on man research?"

Murdoc sighed and ran a hand through his hair.

"We might as well. Get that arse of yours in the booth"

"This is a breakfast club!" the track began and Murdoc smiled at 2ds lovely, sweet voice. The vocals seemed to high pitch to belong to a man but he made it work and the result was beautiful. He sighed, feeling the sweat roll down his back as 2d continued to sing, he had long given up wearing shirts here anymore and was dressed only in white jeans. 2d dressed in his usual attire of tight blue jeans and a t-shirt he had picked up at one of the shops. He stopped singing briefly, sighing annoyed at the heat, and lifted his t-shirt off from over his head, using it to wipe the sweat from his torso.

Pale, pale skin with a few bruises and scratches from their previous battles, small beads of sweat rolling down his skinny back, eyes half closed in concentration and that sweet sultry voice from his mouth. Murdoc stared at him, thinking.

2d sighed annoyed and asked for the track to begin again, messing up one of the lines in taking his shirt off. And Murdoc did so before stepping into the booth with 2d, leaning against a wall and watching him, waiting.

Stuart shuddered yet again, feeling the Satanists gaze on the back of his neck as he tried to concentrate. As the track begun again he decided against singing and unconnected his headphones letting the music play in the background, loudly across the studio. It was hopeless to try and concentrate on anything when he felt so hot and he could feel the gaze of Murdoc's eyes on the back of his neck. He placed the headphones back on the rail in front of him and felt hands slide round his waist gently, a slight cough low in Murdoc's throat drawing his attention almost awkwardly.

There were no words, no time for anything. Murdoc leaned in to kiss 2d but he stopped him, two hands, long fingers curling into the tense muscles of the bassist shoulders pushing him back lightly and staring into the mismatched gaze, searching for something. Some sort of clue that this was right, that this was no ridiculously cruel trick, the smile he received was all he needed and he grinned back shaking a little, allowing the rough lips to move against his. The long tongue swirled to his and he ran his hands through the mass of surprisingly soft black hair. He felt himself pushed against the cold wall of the booth, how he wished he could be shorter at a time like this, so awkward and angular that he swore Murdoc was going on tiptoes. Stuart couldn't help but giggle and murdoc stopped kissing him to raise an eyebrow.

"Er, floor?" Stuart suggested and Murdoc laughed and nodded, pulling Stuart to the other side of the studio, to the shade.

* * *

Sunset turned the studio orange, shades of pink, against pale skin, the cold floor on their bodies, awkward touches of one another, Stuart let Murdoc roll him on top and ran his fingers down his spine, his hips, along his abdomen, the blush creeping into his gaze grasping lower. All the while not taking his gaze of the bassist who merely stared at him with that mismatched gaze. Relishing the way his eyes closed, a low moan escaping his lips. The same calloused fingers, from years and years of bass playing ran over his bruises, the purple blue signs of Murdoc's previous less affectionate touches. The shame in his eyes was clearly visible and 2d placed a hand over Murdoc's cheek, pulled his gaze up to his, kissed those lips harder again, trying to rid the memory that those hands could do anything other than make him feel good.

The sunset grew darker, pink turned to red, orangey, night. The touches became more frantic, heavy breathes. Murdoc bit along Stuart's neck, moving faster, one clinging onto Stuart's arm tight, scared he would leave. Stuart winced at the nails, feeling the tension build. He kissed along Murdoc's neck, low pants turning into small moans, needing, clawing, tighter, faster.

"Ngh...Muds"

"Stuart"

Screaming silent sighs, foreheads against one another, eyes tight shut, they lay panting hard, trying and failing to regain their breaths.

* * *

"Are we going to do this a-."

"Don't" Murdoc stated. "This is my band, you are my singer aright?" He spoke almost softly. They still lay on their sides in the sunset, now smoking, sharing a cigarette between the two.

Stuart smiled, that was all he needed to hear.

* * *

"How was shopping?" 2d asked Russell who was bundling numerous bags into their small flat near the beach whilst noodle bounded off with about seventy boxes of gadgets.

"It was cool, Noodle found this awesome radio hat type thing; she's been playing with it for a good three hours now. You two get up ta much?"

"Nah worked on some demos, shit like that. Boring mostly" He nudged 2ds foot with his and 2d tried not to smile. "Anyway im off to bed, see you losers later." He waved a hand behind him and left the room, 2d watched him,

"Ya alright d?" Russell questioned, the boy beamed back at him and yawned.

"Awesome man, just you know tierd, got a long flight ahead of us, im er... gonna go to bed"

"Aight," Russell laughed "Oh before I forget, when we get back to England they want us to start filming, this bloke called Jamie Hewlett wants us, wants to do a video of Tomorrow Comes today or something."

"Sounds great, though me and Murdoc we're gonna stay here for a week or so longer."He smiled and the drummer who nodded watching the boy stare agitatedly at the direction Murdoc had left

"Well, night Russ" 2d smiled leaving the room quickly and Russell laughing after them, realising that 2ds bedroom was the entire opposite way to where he had left.

"Argh. I feel sorry for the poor sucka whose gonna have to clean that up"

"told you so" Noodle peaked her head round the corner of the door at Russell and he sighed, allowed Del to come out from his head and reluctantly hand Noodle a bunch of dollars.

* * *

A/N so there you go, I hope you liked it and again sorry for the wait. To those wanting more Gorillaz slash I've made a community with my friend Lucy at: .com/gorillazslash23/ their memberships only so check it out :)

Im not sure when ill do the next chapter, hopefully soon. But it will involve tomorrow comes today, Clint eastwood and maybe Japan.

Hope you liked and constructive criticism is always welcome but no nastiness please.

Littlemisssexkitty/Melodiczombie


	7. Chapter 7

Fantasy is better than reality: Chapter Seven: Hand with the Rising Thumb AKA Japan + alcohol

A/n: this is Murdoc x 2d so if you don't like it don't read it. This contains vast man on man sex, so ye be warned. Thank you so much to: Aka, Nina and Lucy.

Listening to: Kate bush: Running up that hill

* * *

**SMASH HITS MURDOC INTERVIEW OCTOBER 2001 Words by Lara Palamoudian INSIDER DEALINGS**

_Do you have any favourite tour bus pastimes?  
Murdoc: Never letting 2D sleep, hiding Russel's laundry, Scrabble and Master Mind all rank highly._

**Gorillaz Web chat - Dotmusic, 2001**

_Petur Sigurdsson from Reykjavik, Iceland asks: In your band, who is collecting the biggest pie of the royalties?  
Murdoc: As I said before. It's my band...  
Russel: Yeah but don't forget its you and 2D that have the writing credits...  
Murdoc: Everybody knows that frontmen are brain-dead sociopathic parasites who crumble at the though of their faces no longer adorning teenage girls' bedroom walls. And can't even pick up their own laundry  
2D: They're not my pants on the floor. I think they're yours Murdoc and I'm not picking them up 'cause they're too grubby _

* * *

Sweat upon skin, the night sky and bright lights of the city surrounding them. He dragged him down by his hips deeper, clawing out as the pressure built inside of him. He needed it, craved it, felt as though if he didn't have the touch on his skin he would die. Tongues slid against tongues and he relished how Stuarts little nails dug in hard on the small of his back. The low moans reaching a higher and higher pitch against his ear as the bassist bit his neck, his hands moved quickly in-between them.

"Ngh...How did you? How are you? Oh god…oh fuck" Stuart moaned, his eyes rolling into the back of his head, Murdocs laughter vibrating through him, he never forgot what he learnt from the lucid days before gorillaz, the spots that had made the comatose Stuart shudder when he touched them.

"Nobody knows you like I know you Tusspot" he murmured licking the shell of his ear and pulling the boy over the edge completely. He shuddered in his arms, gasping out a slew of words that were entirely jumbled.

"Fuck, god, oh, god, murdoc!" Before falling limp against the sheets, staring up at the bassist in shock, panting hard.

Murdoc grinned at him

"We're almost here!" Russell yelled at them through Murdoc's Winnebago bedroom door, causing them both to jump.

"Cheer's mate!" Murdoc yelled in response. "We're gonna sleep here tonight"

"Fine, suit yourselves… me and Noodle are heading up to the hotel, see ya in the morning! And try to let Stuart sleep at least a little bit; we'll need his vocals for tomorrow!"

"Oy!" 2d yelled laughing, going a shade of red.

There was a slam of the door, as they had pulled into the hotel car park. No other cars around for miles. Silence, the freedom to yell whatever they wanted and no one to hear them, let alone understand them.

This would be the first time Stuart had slept in Murdoc's Winnebago bed with him, he gulped, suddenly extraordinarily nervous.

The last two months had gone immensely quickly.

They had touched each other nonstop in Jamaica, chilled out in the sunshine together, made some demos, came back to England for a nonstop spin of interviews, press shoots, videos, tomorrow comes today had been fun shot all along the west way of London, and Clint eastwood in the graveyard. They had mucked around on the gravestones secretly afterwards. Admittedly it was extraordinarily hard, they had had no free time together, and grasping at quick gropes in toilets in between interviews, and 2d wasn't brave enough to admit that it hurt like fuck every time Murdoc insulted him in interviews, told him he hated him, but then kissed him for hours afterwards. He was without a doubt the most confusing man he had ever met, and he made Stuart feel scared, turned on, amazed, happy and sad all at the same time, when he stared at him with that mismatched glare. He still couldn't read his expressions half the time. It was difficult, being with someone who knew you better than you knew yourself yet at the same time there was a cautiousness, Stuart knew he had never felt like this, Paula and Rachel paled in comparison yet the bassist still pissed him of beyond all reason, they argued, still fought, but the bruises were frequently more through sex than anything else. The constant bickering turned more flirtatious.

He wanted to tell the bassist that maybe, he actually loved him, he had tried once during the apex tapes, luckily the interviewer thought it was plutonic and cute, Murdoc had screamed at him afterwards to be more careful and not say shit unless he meant it. In short it had not gone down well. Regardless of what anyone thought Stuart was not stupid, he realized then and there that he would never really be able to open up to Murdoc properly, the man was unbreakable, so he decided to take what he could and revel in it as long as he said that, they still hadn't done anything further than oral sex. Maybe tonight?

Stuart blushed harder thankful that Murdoc had left the room to go lock up the bago properly.

He returned a while later with pills and coffee for both of them.

2d smiled broadly and took his pills, honored that Murdoc had remembered them.

"Is there chocolate in this?" he whispered sipping the coffee and smiling as his brain woke up a bit.

"Thought I'd make you mocha or something, it's what you ask for most when we go to café's you're like a kid" The bassist laughed sipping his. Stuart stared at him, maybe he really did know him that well and maybe there was no need to tell him how he really felt. He obviously knew must know.

Murdoc grinned all sarcastic and spoke in a simpering voice.

"Did you bring your toothbrush and your jammies then stuey? First time you've slept over here eh? Excited?"

"Oh shut up," 2d stuck his tongue out at him. "Besides what do you know about toothbrushes?"

Murdoc laughed in response. "Regardless of what you may believe two dents I do own one."

"Huh ill believe it when I see it"

Murdoc placed the mug on a nearby table and took 2ds. Stuart gulped; despite the fact that the man had given him one of the best orgasms of his life he was still nervous as hell in front of him. This would be the first "proper" time together with no distractions and an actual bed. That week in Jamaica was spent touching a little, kissing and talking, it was far too hot for anything aside from the occasional hand job.

Murdoc pulled the shirt off from 2ds head, and then pulled off his own.

"You ok stu-pot?" he ran a hand along 2ds arm. The boy blushed again and nodded. Christ he felt like such a girl.

Murdoc leaned in and kissed him, deciding going slow would be the best bet. Luckily he already knew what he was doing having learnt greatly from the year spent with the comatose Stuart. An awake one which could actually express pain and may actually leave him was a far scarier option however.

He ran his hands along his back, kissing his cheek, his neck, running his long tongue against the boys pale neck. Stuart shivered and moved in closer, his hips moving against the bassists. He moved on top pushing the bassist lower onto the bed, wanting to show that despite his uncomfortable attitude to discussing sex in interviews he still knew what he was doing. He sat up, ran his hands along murdoc's ribcage, running his long pianist fingers over the muscles, he kissed the bassist back gently, testing slowly and then used his tongue more, experimentally rocking his hips against Murdoc. He could feel his erection against him, and relished the fact that he could make Murdoc feel like that. He ground his hips harder, moving to kiss his neck, attempted to bite and inwardly swore, love bites with missing front teeth were always tricky.

Underneath Murdoc grinned, this was far greater than he had imagined, much better than any fantasy he had had while 2d was dating Rachel or Paula. 2d would kiss him hard, do something amazing with his hips and then look at him, who knew so much expression could be shown with entirely black eyes? H e was so shy, so awkward and angular but Murdoc could tell from the way he panted more and more at each grind of his hips that he was getting less cautious. More turned on. Murdoc kissed him harder, grabbed that "Satsuma like" arse and 2d bit down into his neck.

Against his ear he moaned. "I like that"

"Good i'll keep doing it."

"Are we gonna…how are we going to do this?" Stuart whispered, half scared half excited.

"We don't have to yet..."

"But I want to... "

Murdoc moved to a cupboard, brought out a small bottle and condoms. He took off his jeans and sat on the bed, 2d removed his. The bassist pushed him down, lying on top of him and pulled down his boxer shorts.

He smiled at the result, 2d staring up at him, positioned on his elbows, face flushed pale skin under the dim light of the car park, purple blue bruises on his hips, ribcage, neck and hard as fuck. Murdoc licked his lips. 2d shuddered at the sight.

He loved the power. He could make him beg if he wanted and he knew he'd do it, but for once Murdoc decided to not be so cruel. He'd have more fun if Stuart was happy too, he'd be more willing. So he kissed down his ribcage, licked slightly Stuart's hard on loving Stuart's shudder as he had come so recently.

He looked up at 2d.

"Are you absolutely sure you want to do this?"

2d bit his lip (so cute), thought about it and smiled, deep eyes straight into the bassists, the small words expressed so much.

"I trust you"

Murdoc was momentarily stunned before grinning wickedly, and continuing with what he started.

* * *

It hurt, admittedly but the more they moved, the number it became, now he knew why murdoc had remembered his painkillers earlier. It was different to how he had expected. Some vague memory of watching porn had to led him to believe it would be all doggy style with s+m shit all embarrassing and degrading. But this was different, Murdoc's gaze directly on his, under the sheets, a thin layer of sweat over his body, he could feel the coldness of the upside down cross occasionally bump into his chin, his legs up high in the air, wrapped round Murdoc. It was slightly awkward and he had to move his leg at one point to stop cramp, laughing.

Then something changed, Murdoc switched position and hit something, some weird angle. The numbness changed to pleasure and he moaned out. The bassist grinned, all teeth, at the reaction and started to move the way he wanted to, harder, faster, making a note to remember that expression always, the way the singers nails were digging in hard no doubt leaving marks in his back, his hips, his arse, pulling him in deeper. One hand moved to his hard on, Stuart was close, he could feel it, nothing had ever felt as weird or as good as this. Murdoc's tongue against his ear, biting the lobe pushed him over the edge and he shuddered, again and again, moaning out Murdocs name, his toes curling hard.

Just when 2d thought he couldn't take it any longer Murdoc thrust harder, faster, Stuart started to scream, they'd be able to hear him in the hotel. Who cares though? He thought. Who fucking cares when it feels so fucking good.

"Murdoc!" he called out and the bassists eyes closed, he grunted, spasmed, bit 2ds shoulder so hard he drew blood as he came, 2ds arms wrapped round him tight, he pulled his legs up higher, aiming for a deeper angle and moaned into the bassists ear, pulling him over the edge. When he finished he stared at 2d who smiled at him, ran a hand through his crop of black hair. Kissed him. The light of the car park crossed with the moonlight made him seem almost beautiful; he could see the glimpse of eyebrows underneath the ever present sharp fringe. They had crossed the line.

He laughed. "You're inside of me"

"That's true" Murdoc laughed. He pulled out, cleaned up, Stuart moved to the other side of the bed, unsure what to do, when he felt the Satanists arms wrap round him, pull him towards him.

Shit, was he being cuddled by Murdoc? He pushed the thoughts aside and moved closer to him, a light breeze from the window filled the room. He had never felt this happy in his whole life.

* * *

The next few months in Japan was a blur, a mix of interviews which Noodle reveled in, they worked on some new songs and released a new album G-sides. Murdoc still hammed up how much he "hated" Stuart and 2d started playing along, knowing full well the influence he had on the bassist. He couldn't change the bassist's behavior though.

"Alright love, hows about you come back to my Winnie eh? Il teach you how to play bass, give you some free lessons!" He murmured, drunk as fuck into the ear of some random big breasted fan after a gig.

2d sat with Russell, grinding his teeth. There was nothing he could do to stop it, just deal with it. He was getting used to Murdoc's nonstop drunk lecherous behavior. He figured he would always be like this.

"Ya alright man?" Russell asked quietly watching 2d stare at murdoc with his hands on the girl's breasts.

"Yeah...i just...i dunno… fuck it." 2d sighed downing another shot. Russell looked worried.

"Why don't you go talk to your fans a bit? You've got some groupies too mate, you are the front man after all, could cheer you up, 'D" Russell poked him the ribs pointing over to a bunch of punk style girls waving and blushing at 2d. Maybe he was right, if Murdoc could do it why couldn't he?

"Alright girls?" 2d grinned at them and they all flocked to him, pushing him into a seat and huddling round him, a brunette sat in his lap. He laughed and kissed her; she blushed like mad and began kissing his neck whilst he ran his hands along her thighs. Russell grinned at him from across the room and gave him a thumbs up but the gaze Murdoc gave him was enough to kill. He tried to stare back just as nastily and retaliated by pulling the girl over, properly snogging her, her friends squealed.

"Wanna come back to my room love?" he whispered into her ear and she nodded waving goodbye to her friends who gave her jealous looks.

* * *

It wasn't the same, no hotness, no emotionally attachment whatsoever. If anything it was worse than stiffing the girls who worked in Tesco's, cause at least then they were ugly Stuart pondered, the girl in front was beautiful, gorgeous breasts, slim, her hips moving hard against his, her hands moving in her hair, still talking about how she can't believe she's fucking 2d and how jealous her mates are. To try to shut her up he rolled, missionary style kissing her. The orgasm left him feeling worse than before and he managed to kick her out by signing her t-shirt.

A vast hotel room, huge windows overlooking the beauty of Tokyo city, two well selling albums and girls begging to sleep with him and what? Why did he feel so fucking ….empty?

Fuck that ugly old Goth bassist and all he stood for. None the less Stuart could feel tears welling in his eyes. Why the hell should he fall for someone who just fucked him over time and time again? He grabbed the nearest bottle and drank from it. The door knock left him surprised. It was 2 am, who'd be calling now? Unless…But not again…

He opened the door in his pants and unsurprisingly a vastly drunk Murdoc stumbled in.

"Where the fuck is she then?"

"Who?"

"That fucking brunette, your fucking groupie!"

Murdoc wandered into the room as 2d shut the door sighing.

"She's gone, I fucked her and she left, why? Why the fuck do you care?"

Murdoc glared at him. "I don't really, issjust you could do much better than that….that…trollop!" He waved his arms, stumbled slightly.

"Christ, Muds 'ow much 'ave you 'ad to drink?"

"Enough." The bassist grinned and took another swig, he missed slightly and the liquid slid down his top. He groaned.

"Oh for fucks sake, give it here…" Stuart grabbed the beer of Murdoc who snarled at him and tried to punch him, missing terribly and collapsed onto Stuart's bed.

"What am I going to do with yew? You're like a fucking…whatssit…hazard to yourself" He started taking Murdoc's shoes and trousers of.

"Was she better than me? Did she fuck you nicely Stuart? Or do you not like girls now that you love it up the arse." 2d stared at him and Murdoc giggled, lying back laughing hard. "You fucking poof"

"Well what does that make you eh muds? I didn't see you objecting to giving me fucking blowjobs. You even fucked me when I was in a coma! That's pretty fucked!" He was angry, but more irritated, it was always like this now, he was fed up of the same argument, week after week, gig after gig. He finally got Murdoc's trousers off and sat on his hips to remove his shirt coated in alcohol and vomit.

"You….you remember that? Why the fuck didn't you say anything stuey?" His expression changed from anger to concern, Stuart laughed. A characteristically Murdoc mood swing.

"I didn't remember at first, but then when we started shagging, it just kinda came back, it was a bit like déjà vu really."

He got the bassists top of and he stared at Stuart sadly.

"I…I didn't mean to…fuck I couldn't...she... she had really big boobs mate... I couldn't help it..."

"I know... I know…" 2d sighed and went to get the bucket from the en suite bathroom, just in case Murdoc threw up again.

Murdoc groaned, rolling onto his side, "You look after me…I don't fucking deserve it... im a cunt to you Stuart..."

"I know you are... but that's just you"

"It doesn't have to be" Murdoc murmured drunkenly into the pillow. "Stuart…I'm sorry...you...your'e my best mate."

It was probably the closest he would ever get, so Stuart took it and smiled. They would never really be perfect, but then again he wasn't perfect either.

"I know muds...I know." He sighed and settled in against Murdoc in the bed.

* * *

A/n there you go, ch7! I hope you liked it; I'm again sorry for the slight wait. I have an awful cold at the moment so it allowed me to get this finished :) chapter eight involves America, and yes...the break up. So be warned there won't be as much romance as this. We're getting into the darkest part of gorillaz now. Ah well. Expect the next chapter aprilish LOL.

Thanks to all who reviewed, it means a lot to me, I hope you liked this chapter :)

Love littlemisssexkitty


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter Eight: The break up: AKA the film that time forgot.

A/N The music for this chapter is Massive Attacks Small time shot away which has a whispering vocal from 2d, enjoy, and don't worry this is not the last chapter. Much more to come. Btw if you don't like 2d x murdoc, don't read it, its simple as. Huge thanks to my darlings Aka, Nina and Lucy.

* * *

We are the Dury _**4. What went wrong with the Gorillaz film?**_

_Noodle: With most great works you need to have an element of vision and planning. A clear strong vision of the path that would need to be forged in order to reach the destination you wish to arrive at. However the people we worked with in Los Angeles were making everything up as they went along. __Russel: It became a romantic horror adventure comedy __2D: On Ice. __Russel: No-one was focused enough. 2D couldn't understand the difference between film and reality. Murdoc's partying was relentless. He even got himself kicked out of the Playboy Mansions for stealing ashtrays._

* * *

Tired.

They had moved from town to town, country to country for almost a year and a half now and settled, after a brief trip back home, in America. For endless, undying, unending movie meetings.

"How are we going to do this?"

"How would you like to do this?"

"We think Reese Witherspoon would be perfect for…"

"Mel Gibson is very interested in…"

"It could be a horror movie/comedy with an ice skating number!"

So. So. Tired. And tiredness does not help already shaky relationships. The bonds that tie us together break easily under stress, under jealousy, under love.

Stuart was screaming.

Why. Why, was it always so hard? Always such a big deal, he watched that bastard bullying bassist screw girl after girl after girl, and he had had the nerve to call him a cheater because he kissed a fan on the cheek? This was too much, the kisses and bruises the endless make ups had gone and here they were screaming at each other, throwing objects in their small flat in Mullhound Drive.

How the hell had it come to this?

He thought of Japan, shivering ghostly fingers kissing scars and tears, Jamaica, the sweat on their skin, the sweet smile before the slide of fingers into hair. Nights in his room in Kong Studios in the darkness, this is where they thrived, not here under the spotlight.

He couldn't do this anymore.

"Ya think this is easy for me! So what I kissed one girl, one stupid insignificant girl, you shagged 14 of 'em last week and invited me ta watch! Have you any idea what that's like!"

"I was drunk-"

"Of course you were! Ya always are! Im getting worried about you, its either I was drunk or I was high or I was seeing some freaky shit, or that toad tasted weird. I don't know the difference between this stupid film and reality anymore Muds! This is ….its ripping me apart."

"Look. Dullard I fucking warned you didn't I? I said this is what I'm like, don't like it? Fuck off then, I don't see why you have to be such a prissy little girl about everything, Its just sex!"

Stuart was quiet. "Is it?" he asked into the silence. He looked Murdoc straight in the eye.

The bassist didn't answer.

Stuart swallowed hard, braced himself.

"I love you Murdoc, if you can't get that, if you don't see that, then maybe ah'm not tha one whose stupid, you know."

Murdoc didn't reply. Only stared at him, Stuart went to his room, their room, and began to pack.

"where the fuck do you think you're going! You cant leave, you're my singer!"

"Im going" Stuart yelled "to move back in with Russell and Noodle, so we can finally do this fucking script and get the hell out of here, this place, its not good for us. There's too much evil in this fakery."

"I don't see what the fuck you're problem is, so you fucking love me, big whoop so you've joined the rest of the world-"

Stuart shot him a look that made him stop, despite the charcoal eyes he could convey a lot when he needed to.

"Bye Murdoc, enjoy the playboy mansion"

He left the room with his suitcase and waited until he was far away enough into the lift to break down. On the floor, sobbing into his knees. He had done it. And it had felt awful.

On the phone the message from Noodle.

"We are here, are you ready to go?"

One text back "Yes" was all that was needed.

* * *

Three months later they were stood shaking in a small hotel room, typewriter thrown against a wall, Murdoc's finger's round his neck, the first touch of each other since the argument. He was screaming at him.

"You are way too stupid to be alive! Let this be known, you've been a curse of banality since I first laid eyes on you. If it weren't for your precious vocals, I'd have strangled you into a box years ago. Happy life and all that you losers. I'll see you on the other side. Ciao!"

They stood, Stuart in the corner of the room, his chest heaving, staring at the door in front of him. Noodle sat down on the sofa and cried, Russell shook his head and comforted her.

It was over.


	9. Chapter 9

Fantasy is better than reality chapter nine: recovery

A/the entire song for this fic is Blur's "No distance left to Run" the memory is Blur's "Sweet song" also from 13, the ending is the kinks sunny afternoon, I'm in a Blur mood at the moment… It also helps that cause its damon, your brain automatically thinks its 2d singing it if you're a gorillaz fan (or is that just me) (so its like no distance left to run, sweet song, then girls and boys)

Also there is a lot about 2ds stay in LA and then his homelife, I refuse to type it all up as a quote, so just check it out on gorillaz unofficial here if you want to :) : I will quote this though for slashiness

Rise of the Ogre:

"**It was through Brian that 2d mett Britt Ekland.**

2d: yeah she's lovely. I fancied her since Murdoc lent me his copy of "the wicker man". Russell was acting all weird, so I gave Britt Ekland a call and she said "Come on over!"

**Murdoc's glaring at 2d. It's obviously a sore point for Murdoc, as he's always fancied Britt Ekland and 2d's basically rubbing Murdoc's nose in it.**

2d: Yeah, I stayed round at Britt Ekland's flat in LA for a month or two.

**2d is looking at Murdoc out of the corner of his eye"**

* * *

November 25th 2002 _2d returns to England_

It is said to recover from a relationship it takes half the amount of time you were together. For Stuart that was five years. Five months would have to do, two months in America with Brian Setzer and Britt Eckland, three in recovery in Eastbourne.

Scars like roadmaps, bumps and bruises told a different story, a different experience in Stuart's life, from the time he fell out of the tree when he was ten (bump on the head left hand side) to the scars on his arm from Murdoc's long nails, to the small bumpy scar on his head behind his left ear from the time he hit the kitchen cabinets spinning, he remembered them all, whether wishing to or not, even in Crawley as far removed from that bassist as he could be, he still affected him, changed him, altered him to make him his, and so not only did he feel it in his soul, he could see it all over his lithe body. The weak chest, limp arms, now skeletal legs, ghosts of memories and happiness past, as tears fell yet again and he remembered each and every bruise. Mentally unpicking Murdoc from him seam by seam.

* * *

"Hold fucking still Dullard"

"No, I don't wanna, I like them, I'm keeping them on"

"You idiot, you'll trip and you know it, you can't wear them anymore."

"Aww but please Murdoc it looks cool see!" Stuart raised his arms out like a mummy and padded around, making little "yeah yeah yeah!" noises, Murdoc couldn't help but laugh at the boy wrapped from the waist up in bandages.

"Please murdoc, pretty please? I'll let you keep the nasty uniform on" he beamed up at the bassist with notoriously wide eyes and a pleading smile. Who could resist such cuteness?

"Its nazi, two-dents and fine, you can keep your damn mummyshit on, just…come here for a second." the bassist grinned with an evil glint in his eye.

Stuart beamed unaware and gleefully padded over to murdoc who wrapped an arm around his waist and leaned oh so near to his lips, that grin, those teeth, that tongue, 2d's senses filled with the scent of murdoc, of cigarettes, alcohol, stage sweat and something else, lust and in those eyes love, though he'd never admit it.

He closed his gaze and moaned low in his throat awaiting the roughness of those lips on his, yet there was only his breathe, the near kiss, and then.

2d was spun across the room so fast it made his stomach flip, no ride at the funfair had ever been so quick and suprising, he hit the kitchen cabinets head first, grazed behind his ear and fell dizzy as fuck staring at Murdoc who looked as though his sides had literally cracked from laughter, clutching his ribs with one hand and with the other all of 2ds bandages.

"Yew, yew tricked me and spun me ! Why the hell did yew do tat?"

Murdoc tried to talk and failed, laughing too hard, he took a couple of gulps of air, stared at 2d again and lost it cackling manically.

2d sat in shock, feeling the anger boil up inside him, the embarrassment, why did he always fall so easily for murdoc's pranks? And then pain as he felt the side of his head, blood dripped along his ear, he touched it with his finger, stared at the dark substance which had spread over his hand.

"Shit, we need to get you to a hospital 'D" Murdoc muttered, eyes wide in shock as he slid an arm round 2ds waist again and led the fainting boy to the geep.

Stitches, beside his ear, thankfully 2d persuaded Russell that it had been an accident, and Murdoc was made by Russell to take 2d to bed, an act which the bassist relished. As he helped the boy down the endless stairs to his bedroom, he paused, hearing 2d clear his throat.

"Why?"

"what?"

2d cleared his throat again, he hadn't spoken for much of the hospital trip, had felt to dizzy too really.

"Why did you do that Murdoc?"

"Because, oh I don't know, I figured you wouldn't take the bandages of unless I forced you, thought it would be funny I guess, it was." The bassist chuckled again at the memory.

2d tensed up. "but tats what I mean, why do ya always find it so fun to see me in pain? You're meant to be my best mate and god knows what else we are and you're still doing all this shit, hurting me."

They had reached 2ds door, Murdoc kicked it open with his foot, reached for the lights and lay the boy on his bed, he locked it again and stared at the young man whose dark eyes stared back at him with love and confusion.

He sat down, took a deep breath.

"I can't… it's not like I'm… look, 'D I'm a bit of an arse, you know that alright? It's just who I am, I fuck up and move on and that's why I don't do so well with relationships, it's too much hassle, easier to just screw and move on, so all this loveydovey crap, it's not me, never has been and it's not that I'm not trying not to hurt you, it's just I don't think before I act and if something seems fun or amusing I will do it and sod the consequences. But that said...you are my best mate. You know that right? And I didn't mean for you to hit the cabinets quite so hard, maybe just bump them, a smidgin"

2d couldn't help but giggle at the bassist who grinned down at him.

"You're my best mate too."

"Good, I should bloody well hope so" Murdoc smiled. "Now move over, the doctor said you have to stay warm and besides the bago is freezing"

2d had let Murdoc under the covers and they had watched Rosemary's Baby and The Omen together, but 2d fell asleep half way through the first film and awoke to Murdoc's lips on his , finally getting that kiss he had craved so much earlier,

"This isn't a dream, this is really happening"2d murmered and Murdoc chuckled at him, closing the gap between them, allowing their bodies to move closer together and Murdoc long toungue to lap against the singers pale neck biting softly, they soon fell asleep just like that, bodies enclosed warm and cosy under kong Studios.

* * *

In a cold bed in Crawley Stuart Pot shaked, his soul ripped in two, as he sobbed into his arms, the dimlight of his teenage bedroom surrounding him. It had been five months, the longest he had ever spent without Murdoc's voice, his touch whether sexual or violent, and it hurt more than anything he had ever experienced. The loneliness was killing him, and the notion that Gorillaz, was finally over, and therefore so was him and Murdoc, their… friendship. In his hand he clasped tightly a club flyer with the words CLUB PASSION inblazened in red, it had been attached to his wall along with his posters of the human league, magazine, the clash, the wire, new order and blondie.

Here he was now a broken man in a hope filled young boy's bedroom. He hadn't set foot in here for years, since the crash, since the bad formed, since he had met Murdoc.

A jolt hit his stomach, he tried to suppress it and failed, this was worse than any migraine, any other break up he had experienced in the world, Paula or Rachel or that guy he had secretly fancied in high school who had publicly humiliated him. No, this was far worse, he felt dead, lost unimaginably broken beyond all repair, he gave up fighting back and just let the waves of tears and raw emotion wash over him.

"Stuart honey?" Rachel Pot opened the door of his bedroom and peered around. She sighed at the shuddering body of her son. Walking over to his bed, she debated what she could say what she could do to stop his pain and realized that there was nothing, no painkillers this time.

"Mum?" Stuarts vacant expression stared up at her and she felt her whole being quiver, tears falling down his pale cheeks, maybe there was something she could do.

"Oh honey, come here" She sighed and held the young man close to her, feeling the boy shake and sob in her arms. This was worse than the car crash. This was worse than anything he had ever done to him before, even knocking out his two front teeth, scars and scratches would heal, bruises would fade, but this? There's no recovery from a broken heart.

* * *

The next morning Stuart awoke from dreams of previous sex, the toilets, the gigs, Murdoc's winniebago, his room, that one craziness in the graveyard and the kitchen, happy memories that seemed to merge into one and then ended with the worst aspects, the beatings, the desperation, the terrified moments.

The past few months since he and Murdoc had departed for their separate ways had reached an interesting conclusion, he had shagged Britt Eckland, Murdoc's dream woman, he had hung out with Brian Setzer of "Stray cat strut" fame at the Viper Room, really if it weren't for his whole affair with Murdoc he would have had a great time, without Murdoc he _could_ have a great time, after all the hurt over the years, yet the last words Murdoc had spoken to him had not ceased echoing around his brain;

"You are too stupid to be alive. Let this be known, you've been a curse of banality since I first laid eyes on you. If it weren't for your precious vocals, I'd have strangled you into a box years ago"

And he had left LA, and had gone home to England to try to recover in some way. He felt useless, talentless, and stupid, it was all his fault.

But maybe this was not true, maybe it was just Murdoc's fault after all, Russell and Noodle had loved him like a brother, Rachel Stevens had properly loved him, and he had a talented voice, he had sung other songs with Massive Attack and Nathan Haines, he had written most of the songs with Murdoc, he was the looks of the outfit, so he must be talented too.

Maybe this was what he really needed now, to learn to breathe again, without that bullying bastard. Despite the braveness of his thoughts he still felt a pang of something as he saw the flyer, from club passion previously tacked on his wall, tears threatened to well again as he felt his resolve crumble, the coarse words of Murdoc calling him Dullard and Idiot and all the various other insults in his mind.

He knew he would never get over this, the emotional destruction that man had caused in his life was too great, but then, so what if he never fully recovered, whoever does from this sort of thing?

And even if he didn't, it would make for some good lyrics at least. He smiled in spite of himself.

* * *

Stuart padded downstairs to the kitchen to his mother's surprise; she dropped the mug she was holding in shock.

"Stuart!"

"Is there any coffee left?" he asked smiling at her as she picked up the mug which had thankfully not broken.

"Yes of course love, come sit down"

"Where's dad?" Stuart asked settling himself on the kitchen chair and eyeing an apple, he grabbed it and munched on it, relishing the sharpness. It had been weeks since he had eaten anything even remotely sweet. Rachel Pot beamed at him.

"Your dad's over at his fair, that's a point actually, could you go drop his lunch off to him quick? Might do you some good to get out of the house and have some fresh air."

Stuart smiled and nodded leaving to change.

Dressed in tight jeans, hoodie and t-shirt hiding his eyes in sunglasses (he was lucky for the hot weather that he could easily blend in, in shades) he spotted his dad talking to another young man by the waltzer.

"Stuart? How are you feeling?" his dad asked surprised.

"erm...better now I fink, mum wanted me to give these to ya," he motioned the bag with his father's lunch and nodded at the man next to him who grinned.

"So you're the famous one? Gorillaz right?" The man questioned him, in an Irish accent. Stuart grinned, "Your that Shane whatsit bloke from Boyzone right?"

"O' course, Shane Lynch, your dad was just telling me you've broken up now, come down to your home to rest a bit?"

"yeah, broken up" Stuart smiled at the succinctness of the expression.

"You should come work here mate, id help ya, on the waltzer and that, the girls love it, especially if your famous, give them a free ride and there all over ya" he winked over at some curvaceous girls standing by the food stalls. They saw Stuart and squealed amongst themselves.

Stuart grinned.

They would be nothing like Murdoc of course, nothing ever would be, but that's not what he needed right now, maybe some random normal shags would be a good thing right now, no kink no emotional turmoil. The noise of the fairground evaded his senses, made him feel like a teenager again, he slipped his hoodie off and waved at the girls, one of which fainted. He turned to Shane.

"Yeah, alright mate, that sounds like a good idea, might be just the thing I'm needing really."

* * *

And halfway across the world staring out of an open window wishing he had some kind of way to change the past, go back a few years and just kill 2d firsthand so he wouldn't have to feel anymore of this loneliness and stupid emotion, secretly missing the blue haired twit something chronic in a Mexican jail, Murdoc Niccalls began making a paper mache version of himself Ferris Beuller style.

* * *

A/N: so now we are onto demon days, I would love to write about Russell and Noodle but this is time consuming enough XP they will of course be mentioned.

Please review unless you are some homophobic in which case I really don't care what you have to say because you are probably very stupid considering the amount of warnings I gave about the content of this fic. If it says gorillaz slash, its gorillaz slash, if you don't like it, then don't read it. Its so simple.

The memory is basically like straight after the "lost" gorillabite otherwise known as "fancy dress" if you haven't seen it, please do for russell's crossdressing alone XD

BTW if you don't get the Murdoc ferris beuller thing then please please, read rise of the ogre, its kind of a necessary thing to do to be able to understand gorillaz because they are bloody mental and their plots have a tendency to eat your brain, if you don't read it first hand from the gorillaz bible.


	10. Chapter 10

Fantasy Is Better Than Reality: Chapter 10: Hope

Soundtrack: Massive Attack: Paradise Circus

"_We live in a shockingly beautiful world. We are walking through the living kingdom of heaven every day; the colours, the sound, the love of others, the potential to create, the plants, wildlife, nature, music, all sensations and life...but if we refuse to see colour and beauty we may as well be in hell. Maybe an animated band was the best way or announcing this...- Noodle"_

Train journeys.

The best place and the worst to be alone with your thoughts, to rethink the most basic or indescribably important aspects of your life. The views of fields, cities, unknown life in different places reaffirming your faith in the best of humanity or at once completely destroying it.

Noodle felt a combination of the two, sat at two am alone on a train to the outskirts of some uncharted land. Finally after so long searching fed up of looking for her past and true identity and now on her way home. Home, in Essex she had discovered oddly enough. It had been more than a year now and she was done. Finished, angry and inspired and with enough demos to start her work, her mission was now clear. She closed her eyes briefly and opened them, wastelands upon wastelands, the most depressing site of her life and she felt a hint of doubt fill her.

Could she do this alone?

And if not was gathering the others back really worth it?

Russell and 2d would be easy, but allowing 2d and murdoc in the same vicinity again after everything?

She sighed.

The details had been sketchy and Noodle was never one to enquire into the catalytic relationship between the two but the last she had heard of either of them had reaffirmed her initial beliefs as to why they had so violently broken. 2d was apparently sick of the sight of him and was doing fine in Eastbourne "fank yew very much" and Murdoc was in Mexico or Brazil, consorting with the usual bevy of sordid individuals. That was last Christmas and as much as she loved the both of them she had to admit they were both idiots. Noodle knew Murdoc and 2d better than they knew themselves and the desperation in each other's voices when they both asked "how that scumbag/dullard was doing" was clearly noticeable however much they didn't want it to be.

"Baka" Noodle murmured into the empty carriage. We'll screw them she decided, they would get back together and just deal with their insecurities whether they wanted to or not. Her mission was far too important to screw up because of their inability to deal with their emotions. She smiled and pulled out her mobile.

"Russell-san? Ohaiyo, gomenasai its Noodle, you really need to get a louder ring tone... anyway you should receive a letter in the next few weeks, take the tickets and come back to Kong Studios. I've got some demos that I would love you're help with...hai...hai" she smiled at the beginning sunset over the wasteland "hai...I missed you too Russell..."

* * *

A/N sorry this chapter has taken so long and it's so tiny, I've been kept busy with A levels and uni. But I got my results a few days ago (an A and two Bs if anyone's curious) and will be going to study English literature and writing at Anglia Ruskin university in Cambridge XD so expect more chapters soon!

Oh btw I'm sorry for any mistakes in terms of Japanese, basically Baka means idiot or stupid but I don't know the plural so it's meant to be idiots. Ohaiyo means morning and gomenasai is sorry because its 2 am and she's probably woken Russell up :) Hai is yes. I hope you liked this, I sometimes feel that it's a shame that Russell and noodle never get a look in, in gorillaz fanfics and if Noodle does she's always in love with 2d which is just ridiculous as she is far too intelligent for him XP Even though its gorillaz slash I like trying to keep it as in character as possible, and Noodle is just too brilliant not to have at least one chapter, so there you go I promise to try and update sooner.

Quotes obv from rise of the ogre :)


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter eleven: Over.

A/n: song this time is Blur Caramel, huge thanks to Salina and Lucy. If you don't like it don't read it. Its gorillaz slash. I apologize greatly for the gap in-between chapters; there will be less of a gap between this and the next.

_I've gotta get over_

_I've gotta get over_

_I've gotta get better_

_I'm with you forever_

_I've gotta find genius_

_I've gotta get better_

_I've gotta stop smoking _

_I've gotta get better_

The sun sets down on the forgotten English fields and cities, home moves past quickly to a long missed land and Stuart drums his fingers on his brand new jeans. He smiles, lovingly reminiscing on the fact that this morning at exactly 4 am he took the flyer He had given him and the ripped up jeans he wore when they first met and threw then on a fire. It had taken him at least four months but he had done it.

Stuart Pot was done, finished, no longer the fool.

He had grown up.

Stuart Pot was over Murdoc Niccals.

He smiled and let his fingers trace the outline of his new flick knife in his pocket. Shane had given it to him to protect himself with, little did he know that Stuart intended to not only use it to stop the bassist hitting him but any other advances too. He would not be seduced or forced this time. No more. He had left Essex a teenager and had come back a man.

Or so he had thought.

The train pulled lazily into the station and there on the platform armed to the teeth with tequila, sombreros and two of the scariest Mexican men Stu had ever seen stood Murdoc Niccalls. He looked…tired and evil and god damn it not impossibly more wickedly sexy than before dressed in a purple cape and a new pair of Cuban heels. His bangs as razor sharp as his mind. He licked his long tongue over his lips, grinned and turned to look at the incoming train as though he could sense the presence of his former frontman and all the resolve in Stuart fell through as he ducked and hid under the mini table beside him.

"Oh shit. Shit. Shit." he moaned.

Maybe this wasn't going to be as easy as he thought.

* * *

The rest of the journey was uneventful and thankfully Murdoc less allowing him to gather his resolve again as he walked his way back to Kong. As soon as he reached the hill he was dived on by a purple haired much taller Noodle and a smiling Russell who seemed to have tripled in size.

"Noodle love!" He beamed swirling her round to her delight. "Yew look so grown up! 'Ow was Japan? An when the ell did you learn English? An' wait…" he whispered in her ear. "Is that Russell he looks so…."

"I'll explain later just don't mention Del or his weight d- Kun" she whispered back before Stuart was pulled into a hug with the hip hop lover.

"RUSS!" He grinned hugging back

"Alright 2d" Russell smiled and released the skinny vocalist "did you dye your hair man it looks...bluer?" Stuart blushed and ran a hand through it

"Yeah well sorta mate...Yew look err... well you're…"

"Sweet Satan your huge did you eat the entirety of los Angeles on your way back? Where's that blue berk of a ghost of yours then or did you eat him too?" A sudden voice erupted as Murdoc walked up the hill leaning on his new cane.

Noodle put her face in her hands. "Murdoc san…."

There was an extremely awkward silence in which Stuart stared at Russell and waited.

He sighed and attempted to laugh but looked defeated.

"Alright Muds…Del is…" His voice dwindled off into silence which in turn became increasily uncomfortable.

"Del isn't with us anymore" Noodle whispered "lets go inside and we can catch up there is a lot to talk about yes?" she walked on ahead and took Russell's hand leading him inside leaving 2d and Murdoc to follow. Neither spoke.

* * *

Demos were listened too, the past four years shortly explained. Murdoc swigged gingerly from a bottle containing green liquid as he told his lengthy tale of the whore houses of Mexico yet he wouldn't look at 2d. Stuart grinned broadly as he told of his escapades with Britt Eckland, a long time crush of Murdoc. He tried to decipher his expression out of the corner of his eye. Jealousy at Britt or that he had shagged numerous other people? But as ever he was impossible to read.

Russell's tale was the worst and even Murdoc was silent as he told it, all of them momentarily shocked at the loss of Del. Noodle eventually coughed and finished the conversation with her tale, and then informed them that Dangermouse, a producer Noodle was interested in would be visiting on Sunday. Exhausted emotionally and physically, they all adjourned for their rooms. Murdoc and 2d walking together down the stairs to the car park.

There was an extremely awkward silence before Murdoc spoke. " So you shagged Britt Eckland did you?" It sounded accusative, venomous, as though he didn't dare believe that Stuart was capable of it.

Stuart grinned, shaking, he had prepared for this, keeping his hand near his pocket to his flick knife. "Look Murdoc you know I'm not like you. I don't feel the need to fucking lie all the time."

"Oh I see." He murmured then turned, a characteristic anger switch and shoved 2d against the wall "but of course you're a saint aren't you? You idiotic little shit I don't believe a word you've said. No one would be desperate enough to want to fuck a skinny little twerp like you."

"You were" 2d murmured relishing the shock on his face, which increased when he felt the cold steel of 2ds flick knife against his neck, he smiled the most evil smile 2d had ever seen.

"I see." He swallowed "So this is how it's going to be now eh Stuey? You've changed so much? Did Eastbourne make a man out of you?" he laughed, a deliciously dark tone. 2d held the knife tighter against his neck, fighting back the urge to quit and run. He let the anger wash over him.

"What the fuck is wrong with yew? You wanted me gone you got it right? I'm not gonna take your shit anymore. Now. " He swallowed trying to give his nastiest look "would yew kindly get the fuck offa me" He stared at Murdoc unblinking, their faces so close that the urge to close the gap with his mouth was almost killing him.

Murdoc stared at him, as though searching desperately for some sign of…what? And then licked his lips and let go.

"I guess you really have changed…" He stared at him some more and then turned and left for his Winnebago leaving 2ds questions unanswered, his heart pounding, wondering if maybe the knife wasn't such a good idea after all.


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter twelve: Elmanana

A/N Im really sorry that I havent updated in a while. This chapter can be triggering and is M rated. There will be more chapters after this so this is not the end. The two songs for this chapter are The divine Comedy: Your daddys Car and El manana. Thank you so much for all the faves and comments they mean an insane amount to me :)

_You remember when you were a little kid and you would look at the clouds in the sky as the sunlight bounced off something that simple would make you feel a part of everything and all alone at the same time. And that feelings not something you can ever put into words, so you spend your whole life chasing it;making music, taking pictures, painting...whatever, in the hope that other people will understand that sense or ... creative entities we look for signs of life outside ourselves, for a connection to...alleviate the sense of solitude. thats why we all do what we do, whether we know it in ourselves or not._ (2d rise of the ogre page 201)

_Don't stop the bird when it comes _

_It's the dawn, you'll see _

_Money won't get there _

_Ten years passed tonight, you'll flee _

_If you do that, _

_I'll be someone to find you _

_I saw that day, _

_Lost my mind _

_Lord, I'll find _

_Maybe in time _

_You'll want to be mine _

_El manana- Gorillaz Demon days_

* * *

Stuart takes the bottle of painkillers, flips the cap, and tries to spill them out onto the bright porecelain washbasin. How could they all be gone? The light stings and burns and he tries to differentiate between what is furniture and floor on the way back grasping at his ermergancy pill packets under his mattress.

Something is wrong. Something is terribly, terribly wrong and there's nothing he can do. No way to heal this. No matter how many pills he takes. He's lost count how many today, in the last few hours. Minutes.

This is by far the longest migraine hes every had in his life and it wont. stop. Burning. His head in his hands sat in the dark shaking with the pain of it the tears spilling onto the floor.

Its been like this ever since he got back, the constant fights, the proxemity to Murdoc and the need to push himself as far away from him as possible has resulted in so much pent up anger. He screams. They argue every single day. Tearing into one another untill even Noodle is screaming and Russell has to seperate them. Theyve never fought like this before, so unrelenting.

Anger mingled with despair and the look in his eyes when he hits him now. Like he wants to eradicate his face from the world, from history, he broke his jaw last week for no reason other than that he looked at him.

Stuart doesn't know whether to laugh or cry at that, he wants to laugh but the worst part is he almost enjoyed it. He hasnnt felt Murdoc's skin on his for so long he's contemplated winding him up just so he will pin him down so he can almost remember what it felt like to be in his arms. It sickens him how horrific that sounds and the thought of it makes him wonder, were they ever together at all or did he dream it?

He cant take this anymore.

He opens the pill packet slowly, his fists still covered in scratches from yesterday, from the day before, from every other fucking day. It had been seven months since they came back to Kong and it hasn't ceased. It cant stop and it wont.

Why hate him so much he wonders?

He was doing what he wanted, he was leaving him alone. Even when it nearly tore his heart in two hearing him with a new girl night after night and he swore though he might have been hallucinating from the pills, that it wasnt in the bago either. No, it sounded like it was right outside in the corridor, closer to his door each time. He could hear Murdoc's breath heavy, groaning like before but just so close, close enough to touch. He missed the sensation of his tongue on his ear, the sweat on his skin, the way he smiled at him, he missed everything.

Suddenly noise.

The sound of scuffles, steps, giggling.

No.

Please no. Not again.

The pain increased as it dawned on him. Every night it sounded closer but this? This was too far.

Murdoc was having sex against his door.

He couldn't be surely? That was too cruel, Stuart frozen in shock moved an inch forward towards the door when it began to shake and the sounds of moans and grunts came from the outside.

There was no way out, no escape and the noises were getting louder and louder. Goosebumps broke out on Stuarts skin as it shamefully dawned on him that he was actually becoming aroused by the noises. The banging increased.

He couldnt take it anymore.

Plugging his ipod into his ears he escaped to his bathroom, the furthest point from his door and continued to go through the albums he had downloaded, the best of the Divine Comedy. He settled on Your Daddy's car.

_Can you feel the sadness in our love?_

_Its the only kind were worthy of._

_Can you feel the madness in our hearts?_

_As the key turns and the engine starts._

Stuart began to sob, sat in his shower. He missed the nights in the bago, the way Murdoc's tongue would gently lick over his lips, the strangely intoxicating scent of sweat late in to the night. Waking up next to the bassist and relishing the always surprised look on his face that yes, Stuart was still there and probably would always be however horrible he had been the night before.

Before he chose to stay, now he was trapped with no way out.

He buried his head into his legs as his body shook with sobs. Swallowing down more pills; one, two, three, four. Anything to numb the pain so he couldn't hear it anymore, wouldn't feel it.

* * *

Outside the door Murdoc grunted with dissatisfaction before pulling his trousers up. That should show him the useless fucker, acting like he was such a fucking man now that he had left him.

"Thanks Sarah" He waved a hand to dismiss the groupie, she glared at him as she pulled up her knickers.

"…It's Mandy"

"Yeah whatever love" Murdoc murmered not looking up from the keyhole of the door as she left. He couldnt see the pretty boy anywhere.

Shit what if he wasnt in his room and all of that was for nothing? He had to investigate.

Murdoc sighed before his breath caught in his throat he opened the door of Stuarts room on the light switch he shuddered, the singer had always been a bit messy but this could almost match the bassists standards. Records, cereal boxes and dirty plates and clothes were strewn everywhere.

As he walked through the room he saw no sign of the boy however only the faint noise of music through headphones following it through to the bathroom through the crack of the door he saw something that would have made his heart break if he had one.

Stuart's pale skin coated in bruises, scratches, scars all from him, tears streaming an empty pill packet in his hand. His body limp on the shower floor.

Unmoving.

Stuart wasn't breathing.

Shit.

Dullard?

No answer.

Fuck.

Fuck.

No.

He couldnt have.

No.

"RUSSELL GET DOWN HERE NOW. NOODLE. ANYONE NOW."

There was no pulse.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter thirteen: Broken Promises

A/n songs go in order: Hong Kong then kids with guns hot chip remix, then el manana metrononomy remix. This is dedicated to the wonderful Salina who I adore who makes me amazing artwork Again sorry for the wait, I'm getting back into a schedule now so the next chapter hopefully shouldn't take as long But if they do I want to say I love all of your comments and they make me so happy. I am not going to not finish this story- it will be completed by at least February.

* * *

_When you're keeping everything inside you_

_It can only hurt you_

_Unrelated sound_

_The sun will shine again_

_You hold it in your hand._

(Stop the Dams-Gorillaz, D-sides)

* * *

Pale, pale skin, whiter than the walls of the hospital room, he breathed slowly, weak chest heaving.

It was a miracle.

It was always a miracle, that Stuart Pot was still alive.

Hospital gowns never did look good on him, Murdoc thought. The colours clashed paper peach skin with white clothes? He grimaced; sick of the site of them, of this, of hospital beds and nurses and clipboards with horrific information he didn't dare read and mother fucking hospital gowns.

Yet he kept making him wear them.

He could have died.

Again.

And it was all his fault.

Again.

He counted on his fingers how many times was this now really? Ten? Eleven? The nurses knew them both by first name. That wasn't a good sign.

When was the first time? The first time he sat next to his bed in what felt like this very same room. Now it was 2004 and they had met in 1997.

Seven years.

Holy fucking shit.

He stared at him in shock. Seven years with Stuart. And look what he had done to him.

Stuart moaned slowly in his sleep and turned his head, almost to face him, he looked so broken, dark lines under his eyes accentuated by the slight hint of blue veins in his face. He was once so young, and now he looked… Satan help me. Murdoc sighed. He looked so fragile, so beautiful that Murdoc actually gulped and felt guiltier than he ever had before.

He swallowed again, felt his lip shaking. Shit was he actually crying? No. No fucking way.

He tried to speak, his voice coming out hoarser than ever before.

"Stuart."

"I know you probably can't hear me. But I just, fuck. I'm sorry. For everything, when you wake up I promise. that's it. you looked so, better without me and i just. Im not better without you. I wanted to make you feel as bad as I did, and i guess i suceeded. So you know what im done, no more. Satan if he survives this I swear, I promise I wont go near him after this. Do the band, interviews whatever but thats it.

Im done. I just. I can't do this again. I can't see him again like this. Im done."

* * *

They made the album, did the interviews, signed the autographs, made the videos, played the gigs, until before they knew it they were back in the studio and it had been six months since the hospital visit. None of them had discussed it; Jamie had felt it best to leave it altogether and 2d looked as though he could barely remember what had happened. Both Noodle and Russell swore to keep a better eye on him. His mum stopped sending him painkillers. And even if it hurt him like a million little pieces of glass shattering his skin Murdoc kept his distance for his sake, even if he could still hear the faint sound of Stuart crying late at night.

More months went by until in November Noodle gave Murdoc a proposition.

"We just need a few extra singles for the B-sides" Noodle smiled to the bassist. "Ah I know you and 2d arent. You haven't really spent any time together since well. You know but this, I think will be good for you. It will allow you to maybe mend your broken bonds if you play together"

"Are you sure you want that love? It's been months since I've even said two words to the dullard. I can't see this working out well for either of us"

She smiled sadly, putting a hand on his arm. "He's changed a lot; I think he wants to talk to you. I think it would be good for you both, please Murdoc. For me?"

It was hard to ignore the jade eyes that stared up at him through her purple bangs.

"Fine" He murmured eventually. "But I make no promises."

* * *

This was inevitably a good decision.

"YEW CAN'T FUCKING DO THAT!"

"AND WHY THE FUCK NOT DULLARD?"

"BECAUSE NOODLE ALREADY FINISHED THAT ONE SO WE CANT DO IT, SHED GET PISSED OFF AND KILL US!"

"ARGH!" Murdoc screamed practically ripping out his hair. "FINE NOT THAT ONE THEN, YOU FUCKING PICK A SONG!"

"WELL MAYBE I WILL!" 2d yelled back and angrily pushed the various buttons.

This was not going well, they had gone from not talking, to playing really badly, arguing over which song to work out to eventually screaming at one another. Yes, it was the first time they had spoken in months but that was not necessarily a good thing. Something had to be done. They needed to calm down. Stuart stared at the list of songs and smiled, picking one that he hoped would change the mood.

The sounds of Honk Kong filled the studio room. Murdoc raised his eyebrows and sat across from the vocal booth staring at 2d who stuck his hands over the headphones and sighed eyes scrunched tightly closed in concentration. This was not working. But then again neither was their not talking. He refused to let it end like this. He had to get him back.

Life with Murdoc was... hectic to say the least. Yes, they argued and they fought and it could be bloody and messy and they were far from perfect. They probably never would be. But those last few months without him were by far the worst he had ever experienced. He had tried everything he could think of, texting, calling, even sending him letters under the bago door or purposefully trying to piss him off so he would fight him, just talk to him anything. So far nothing had succeeded. The only option left was to fight dirty, and allow his base desires to take over.

If it had come to this than fine, if he had to seduce him then he'd do it, anything to have him back, to feel the touch of those broken lips on the back of his neck again.

He shivered under the bassists stare. Saw the way his eyes dilated as he watched the bassist watch him from outside the booth.

Did he know what he was planning?

No he opened a few windows, allowing the dim light of the sunset in, swallowed trying to subdue his rocketing heart rate, and tried to relax, leaning into the music and licking his lips enough so that the bassist could see. It must have worked because he hadn't taken his eyes off him. 2d grinned crossing his fingers allowing the music to take over and the sound of his vocals, the only thing he felt he was really good at, to work its magic.

Murdoc stood in silent awe marvelling at how beautiful it was, Stuart stood there in the studio looking gorgeous as ever with their music playing.

He let out a shaky breath.

It had been so long since they had stood together in the studio like this, since he had heard that voice sing so close to him, without the fans, without Russell and Noodle and Damon being a twat in the background. Just him and his singer.

Sometimes in prison he had cursed not having some kind of Walkman so he could hear it again, remember what it looked like to make music like this, the way Stuart's eyes closed, the way his whole body would move as though expressing it deep from within. Stuart opened his eyes and stared at Murdoc and smiled, it felt so good. The music, being together like this no nastiness, and no fighting just like before the way they used to be before it all got fucked up.

Well maybe not everything like before.

How long had it been since they were _together_, together? He wondered, that last night in LA, 2002 and it was now November, 2004. Shit two and a half years now? Too long. Far, far, far too long. He would have to do something about that he thought and just when he contemplated walking into the booth Stuart opened his mouth to sing and everything seemed to slow down.

"_Lord hear me now. Junk boats and English boys crashing out in supermalls electric fences and guns you swallow me I'm just a pill on your tongue. Here on the nineteenth the neon lights make me come…"_

Sweet Satan was he doing this on purpose? Lithe body, the light from the sunset in the early evening outside seemed to cascade over him, he kept his eyes shut tight as if giving out his soul to the song, and he seemed to actually fucking sway in time to the music smiling. His hips moving achingly slow, the way he grinned slightly as he sang the last line, both hands on the headphones leaving his back arched.

"_Kid come over here. What you learning in school. Is the rise of an eastern sun gonna be good for everyone_?"

Murdoc grinned broadly, he had forgotten how 2d could do that, often just making up random lyrics on the spot that seemed to encompass everything and nothing. This was his true calling; there was where they were meant to be.

"_The radio stations disappeared. Music turned into thin air. The DJ was the last to leave. She had well-conditioned hair. Was beautiful but nothing really was there_"

The pace changed and 2d continued to sway with his eyes closed, the sunlight bright against his skin, Murdoc smiled and stared at him and remembered all at once what it was like to kiss him to feel that gaze only for him underneath him. Digging his nails into his hips and holding him tighter against him. Remembering the way he could make him moan only for him in his ear.

He remembered not only the good, but the horrible times too, the promise he had made to not touch him again, to leave him before he really did break him.

But sweet Satan that voice and that body and what it felt like to be with him, inside of him.

Fuck!

2ds eyes opened and they locked gazes from across the room and all of a sudden it was gone, the hurt and the pain and the fights and it was like that first time in Jamaica, that first look under the sunset. They stayed like that staring until the last of the song finishing slowly. Murdoc moved forward, took the headphones off of 2ds head and whispered

"Come on dullard"

And 2d grinned and followed.

* * *

Night time advances, deep into the heart of Kong in 2ds basement bedroom. The remix for some random song of theirs on the jukebox. They kissed for what seemed like forever, reliving the memories. Shit two and half years, too long, far, far too long. The pace got faster. 2d took his shirt off and Murdoc sighed surprised at the lack of bruises. They hadn't even fought for a long time yet 2ds knife wounds on his shoulders and neck were still there on him he shivered as he felt 2d's fingers gently ghosted over the tiny little cuts along Murdoc's neck, back, arms. He was so much skinnier now, and it scared Stuart. He put a hand to his face, pulled him down deeper to his lips. Why on earth had they gone so long without this when it felt so good?

They stayed like that moaning and kissing for so long that they forgot the music on the jukebox was slowly running out and the sounds were dimming.

Murdoc stopped and stared at him, he was almost shaking. "I thought..."

"What?" Stuart whispered grinning and wrapping his long arms around the bassist's waist pulling him in closer to him.

"I didn't think I'd get to do this again. I swore I wouldn't look at you and then after a while you wouldn't look at me and fuck I thought… I thought I'd lost you…"

"Oh" 2d whispered. He leaned in again to hug the bassist and whispered in his ear "you can't lose me, remember I'm yours" he smiled and Murdoc stared at him and for the first time in a while he grinned at him that evilly leering glare. It was as though he was back and within a second Murdoc decided he had had enough of playing it safe and 2d was picked up and pushed against the wall by his bed with such force he thought he'd broken his skull.

Nails on skin, ripping his jeans, biting his neck, his shoulder, it was clear to see now that their fights had just been the need to touch, they punched and clawed and kicked each other but only ended up rolling on the floor, screaming at one another. Just like this. Only this was so much better.

They fumbled with the condom, fingers, with the lube, 2d still had his trousers on one leg, and he tried to kick them off. Until it was awkward and slightly painful but it was there, the connection was back full force.

Stuart arched his back hard, harder, and deeper. It was animalistic and so so needed and what all the fighting had been about, if only they had replaced that with fucking the first time, this was what they were good at. He called out louder and felt Murdoc nails claw at him, scratching the light skin on his chest and he moved up into it.

Murdoc pulled back and stared at him, an evil leer spreading across his face. " Mine" he grinned and pulled 2d away and out of his mind and back into the darkness biting into his neck hard enough to draw blood.

2d groaned and started biting back, all those girls he had fucked to try and replace that feeling but nothing was like this, nothing could replace that sensation of that one person who knows your skin better than you know it yourself.

Faster and faster, he moaned into his mouth. The rhythm intensified. Stuart called out as he felt Murdoc's hand move between them, pumping quickly matching the pace of his hips. He thought he would die, scream lose all control he almost screamed, his legs wrapped tighter around Murdoc's waist arching up harder into it, Murdoc's hips moving so fast, arms holding him in place to fuck him deeper, desperate for some sort of control Stuart dug his nails into his neck trying to keep him to him. Too much, it was building up too quickly he thought he would burst and it was so, so good.

"Shit, Stuart, shit" His voice cracking against his ear biting.

"I'm gonna..."

"Fuck…Stuart…"

"Murdoc….fuck!"

Harder than before and faster, he felt picked up so violently and perfectly that he knew there would be bruises and he didn't fucking care. He screamed, louder and louder and felt his toes curl almost painfully and felt him giveway and collapse and. fuck. He held him there, shaking for a while against him before kissing him long and hard, they stared at each other smiling, pulsing.

Murdoc put 2d down on the bed and they separated finally, to opposite sides. They stared at each other gasping for breath and laughed. Murdoc lit a cigarette, passed it to 2d.

"I needed that" Murdoc laughed again.

"Me too. Though fuck I'm gonna be sore tomorrow." he smiled.

"Stuart…" Murdoc almost whispered.

"Yes?"

He paused staring at him hard. "I'm staying here tonight. It's fucking cold in the 'bago."

"Sure" 2d smiled handing him back the cigarette. There was another awkward pause in which he saw Murdoc lick his lips again trying to form the words.

"2D...I missed you dullard." He murmured into the darkness and 2d grinned, rolled into hug him and laughed as Murdoc swore at him for almost getting hot ash on the bed. He only tried to push him off once begrudgingly.

Fine Murdoc realised later watching the singer sleep soundly one hand on his chest. He had sworn to Satan but then again living a life with no Stuart hardly seemed worth it. This would be different. He wouldn't lose him again, never again. Some promises were meant to be broken.


	14. Chapter 14: Broken

A/N:

I want to apologize quickly for how long Ive left this fic updated, Ill admit I fell out of the fandom for a bit but obviously Im back now and I am going to finish this. This is just a mini chapter. There will be lots more to come. Thank you again for everyone whose been following it and reviewing it, your reviews mean so much :) Hope you like this and if so or if you have any requests please review :)  
Thanks again! Littlemisssexkitty x

* * *

Its been years since they last had sex.

Stuart looks at the pinpricks on his arm where the hair rises, hears the not so distant sound of the whale and shudders.

Every time. Every single fucking time, he swears he wont, he wont do it again.

He remembers their last full conversation.

* * *

After Demon Days everything was good again, the tour, interviews, Dare and Kids with Guns, they were happy for a while, kissing in the studio, going out drinking together.  
And then a groupie launched herself at Murdoc, in a moment of drunkeness he gave in. They argued again.

The sex got rougher, harder and the nights spent together were few and far between.

They stopped speaking, stopped fighting and just fucked. No more make outs and make ups. In showers, messy hotel rooms, in the toilets of restaurants and behind the curtains of concerts. It was dark and damp and they stopped caring who heard. Stuart started drinking.  
Murdoc watched him slink into the studio to sing "We Are Happy Landfill", watched him scream the lyrics, still half pissed.

He felt the mismatched glare watching him and the moment Russell and Noodle left the room it was on again. Knocking over keyboards, amps.  
The bites on his neck lasted weeks.

They'd lay there afterwards, Stuart would put his hand out to try and touch him and he'd roll over, leave him in the darkness.

So he put it in the songs, tried to get him to speak.

_When youre keeping everything inside you. Its gonna be a cold day. _  
_The sun will shine again, you hold it in your hand._

But it didn't work. Murdoc still doesn't talk,Stuart watches him, waiting.

El manana struck a hard blow, Murdoc kept quiet, didn't breathe a word whether or not Noodle was safe. Stuart punched him harder than he ever had and he didn't even react.

Three months later he woke up in hospital with stitches on his abdomen, missing a kidney. Stuart cried into his hospital gown.  
Murdoc turned it into a game for the website for a laugh, exaggerated it.  
Tried to joke about it as Stuart packed everything he owned into suitcases.

"Oh come on its not like I took all your organs! Its just a kidney!"  
Stuart stopped packing. Hands shaking. "Ya don't get it. Yew never will! Ya know whats the fucking worst of it mate?" He whispered, trying to stop himself from screaming.  
"If you told me your liver was fucking up I would have given it to you willingly. . . . "

Murdoc stared at him, momentarily stunned. "Alright, fine I should have asked. Look, D, come on, lets forget about this alright, come back to bed the stitches are healing fine, you'll feel better in a bit."

Stuart shook his head, "I just. I cant deal with this anymore Murdoc, cant you see what you've done?! Noodles gone, Russell's left, its like your actually living in the wreckage of us for fucks sake. Kong is falling to pieces!"

"It's not that bad!" Murdoc laughed, a piece of rubble fell near his shoulder, he narrowly avoided it.  
"Ok maybe it needs a little work! Come on 2dents I've got new material to work on! It'll all be good!"

"huh. Good luck" Stuart laughed and put the rest of his suitcases in the trunk, leaving Murdoc swearing at him in the falling carpark.

Months turned into years, he spent some time with his Mum, even traveled a little. He sat on the plane to Beirut grimacing as he read articles in NME. Murdoc swearing and claiming Damon Albarn was at fault for everything as per usual.  
He got a flat, started DJing a little and relaxed a little, it was all good.  
Till the phone calls started happening.

At 3 AM he heard it, clicks, the distant sound of ocean waves.  
"Ello?"  
"Look who the fuck is dis? Im trynna sleep here! This is the fifth time tonight! If thats you Murdoc I am NOT coming back alright? Youd have to fuckin kidnap me to im not fuckin doing it!"  
More silence.  
"Alright fuck it, send me the tunes and I'll see what I think alrigh just QUIT CALLING ME IN THE MORNIN!"  
He slammed the phone down and tried to get back to sleep.

And now in the dark of plastic murmers to himself rubbing the goosebumps down on his arm.  
"Fucking kidnap me, smart idea 2d well fuckin done brainaic. WHy the shit did I say that! I should know by now not to give MURDOC FUCKING NICCALS IDEAS"  
In the distance he could hear the sound of someone coming down steps.  
He grabbed the nearest thing to him ready to attack. Only to see a faint red light and the dim shape of a razor cut fringe.  
"N-noodle?"


End file.
